To keep or not...

My critical "do I need this or can it go?" eye settled on top of my medicine cabinet.

I saw medicine, a candle and two glass bud vases.

The medicine was taken care of when I cleaned out the inside of the cabinet (half empty bandaid boxes, expired antibiotics - all gone) and made room inside the cabinet for Children's Triaminic and Benadryl. The 3/4 burnt candles went in the trash.

The vases are a harder decision.

They are probably easily found at a craft store and I certainly don't have fresh cut buds on a regular enough basis to warrant "needing" them.

But they were One Philly Daddy and my place settings at a friend's wedding. We attended the wedding early in our courtship, and since I've left the tags on, I know we sat at table 11. I remember there was a single Gerber daisy in each one at the wedding.

We had many mutual friends when we started dating, and this wedding was one of our earliest "coming out" events. I was nervous about the reaction we would get, but we were happily received and supported as a couple.

These vases have been with us through a long distance relationship, my relocating and our first home together, our wedding, the home we purchased and now live in, the starting of our family.

I know many home organizers would recommend ditching the vases, maybe keeping the tags for my sentimental reasons.

Still, I expect the vases will make the cut.

If you've been to my house since May you may not be surprised to hear I haven't been doing much cleaning, organizing, cooking, etc. Yes, it's the first trimester, I've been happy that we're all mostly clean and clothed.

There's also the sense of being overwhelmed. The longer something is let go, typically the messier it gets. (hey, that works literally and metaphorically! Neat!)

So, certainly, part of my inaction is simply due to the "oh, crap, where do I start?" stuff.

But, I've realized there's another piece to it. We've got to make room for a whole new person!

The One Philly Family lives in a modest twin with enough workable space. Yeah, we could easily make the argument for the "need" for more space, but philosophically I believe less is more, that I'd rather have plenty of financial breathing room, and following my heart/gut. We recently seriously considered putting an offer in on a house we love, love, love and expected to be our forever and ever house. But it's not time. For a multitude of reasons.

So I'm looking at my home through a more critical eye. Half empty, 10 year old hair gel that I've probably moved 3 times needs to go! Books I bought in an airport for a mindless beach read need to go! Clothes we don't love or that don't fit...out. Obsolete textbooks gotta go. You get the idea.

I'll happily get rid of material stuff I don't use for a peaceful home with enough room for everyone and financial security. And I've got about 6 months to make room...I think I can do it!

Today, finally, the heat wave let up a bit. There was a breeze, low humidity, and even some rain.

Ahhh!!!!

Poor One Philly Son has been cooped up in the house for much of the heat wave. #1 he's not even 2 yet, and gets flushed when it's "warm", let alone "sweltering". #2 his Mommy is pregnant, so doesn't do well with exertion right now, again, especially when it's sweltering.

So today, when it was livable to be outside again, we went for it!

We played in the park in the morning and One Philly Son ran (or swung, his favorite) for an hour straight. And slept for an hour on the couch when we got home.

Before lunch we did bubbles, water table, and chalk on the back porch.

After lunch, and in the rain, we did more bubbles. Though, to be honest, I think he was happy to just be outside again. He sat in his stroller, on the porch, going nowhere for about 20 minutes. I think he was afraid to break the spell.

Now that it's thundering he's sitting on the step babbling to himself. I'm happy he's not afraid of the bangs and booms.

I hope he's not too disappointed in another day when we're stuck inside again!

Finding his voice...

One of our favorite things at night is to sit and watch One Philly Son in the video monitor at night. For about an hour after we lay him down he rolls around, throwing blankets around, rearranging Elmo, Eyeore and Mickey Mouse until they are in just the right location.

He also tries out new words. This means he occassionally yells out "Money" and "Daddy" or, more likely "Elmo! Elmo? Elmo!!!".

He's learning new "words" all the time, some of which we can't translate yet. Such as "at-da-da", typically spoken while pointing at the ceiling. Some are clearer like "baksketball", which is, of course, basketball.

Whether we understand it or not, it's fascinating to watch the next evolution of our little man.

Tickles and giggles in heaven...

My One Philly Family and I had a perfect moment recently.

One Philly Daddy and I were sitting on opposite sides of our couch and One Philly Son would laugh and run from one of us to the other.

When he was old enough to tickle and play we would hold up our index fingers to mean "I'm gonna tickle you!!!" One Philly Son has adopted this to mean "hey, why don't you tickle me?" and holds up his index fingers when he wants to be tickled.

At some point he indicated he wanted to be tickled and would run between us laughing and tickling. One of us would "capture" him for a tickle and ge would yell out for the other to "rescue" him.

The sound of the three of us laughing and One Philly Son yelling "Money!" (that's what he calls me. I love it.) and "Daddy" is what heaven looks and sounds like to me.

Even more special to me is that we taught some basic sign language to One Philly Son, one of the signs being "all done". It is taught and first used for eating, but One Philly Son has translated it for use in all situations, so when he's done with tickling, swinging, walking, etc he can just "say" so. I love this.

We do our best to honor his "all done" requests, except when there's an occassional insistence at bedtime that he's "all done".

So when One Philly Son told us he was all done, we stopped.

One Philly Son may be a child, and there are going to be times I have to exert my will over his: holding hands across the street, going to bed, brushing teeth, not hitting the dogs with my flip flops (sigh). But I want him to feel his needs and boundaries are recognized and respected, whether we're tickling or debating what to eat for lunch.

I can't wait for my next trip to heaven on our tickle couch!!!

The things I love for real...

And despite all the things I "love" about pregnancy, there are a few that I really do love:

I love that, not once, has One Philly Daddy asked when I'm going to pick up, vacuumn, do laundry, start cooking dinner again.

I love that we have a yard that One Philly Son loves to play in and explore.

I love that I able to stay home without causing major financial headaches for us. This means that when One Philly Son sleeps in until 9, we can let him. This means One Philly Daddy can fit in almost an hour work out most mornings of the week, without having to get up at 5am and without having to coordinate two professional outfits, lunches, commutes and a daycare drop off. This also means if One Philly Son is sick, we don't have to debate who's day at work is more important.

I love that I can nap or do yoga or do nothing while One Philly Son naps each day.

I love that our house feels like a home. I love that it is a home full of laughter, love, tickles and giggles. I love that we are creating a safe, trusting environment for our family.

I love that One Philly Daddy is in the best shape of his life and only getting better.

I love that we are in the same page about big picture stuff like religion, money, wills, discipline, etc.

I love that, on sleepless nights, if I move through a few yoga poses in my mind, I can usually fall right to sleep.

I love that we're preparing to welcome another member to our family.

I love that we all have our health.

I love that, soon, I'll be able to feel this baby kick and have "proof" that s/he is in there.

I love that 99% of the things I worry about don't come true.

I love that One Philly Son is eager and excited by numbers and letters, books, blocks and trucks. I love that he'll soon move to a big boy room and bed.

I love that our family will take one more trip to the shore before this summer is over.

I love that, in many ways, I'm living my fairytale.

I bet even princesses in fairy tales sometimes complain about the castle and glass slippers.

A few of my favorite things....

So I'm pregnant with One Philly Baby #2, and everything is different this time around: I'm not working, I chase an almost two year old, it's a completely opposite season and yet, somethings remain the same :

I love that an hour after even a thimble of water I have to pee like I drank eight Big Gulps.

I love that eating feels like an out of body experience. Things that tasted good don't and no matter what I eat or how much, there's usually nausea, heart burn, sour stomach or all three if I'm really lucky.

I love feeling starved 4 hours after every meal, regardless of how big.

I love killer sinus headaches that can only be fought with one cup of coffee and regular strength Tylenol.

I love Googleing everything I eat until I can remember the ungodly long list of food and drink no-no's for a pregnant woman. I joke that I should grow my own grass and collect rain water, though there'd probably be something wrong with that too. To think, our mothers were told to try not to drink and smoke so much (ok, a slight exaggeration).

I love that anything on TLC brings me to tears.

I love not having energy or desire to do anything more productive than keep One Philly Son safe, clothed and fed. Ketchup counts as food, right?

I love wearing strangers clothes. I was (this is honest, not sarcastic) lucky enough to have a lot of maternity clothes given to me during my first pregnancy, saving me a lot of money and time. But it does sometimes give me a sense of dressing up like someone else.

I love not being able to do many of the small household projects that involved paint, chemicals, caulk or chemicals of any kind.

I love being cranky with One Philly Daddy even when he's taken on my chores and encourages me to nap, yoga, do nothing, just take care of myself.

Ok, honestly, I'm not one of those cool Zen Mommies who loves being pregnant. I feel like I'm possessed, my body doesn't react to food, temperature, sleep, or anything the way it used too. It doesn't even feel like my body sometimes, with my hair, nails and skin acting all weird too.

When I was pregnant with One Philly Son I half-joked that maybe one baby was enough, and this time I confirmed with One Philly Daddy that "two is enough".

I know I have it way, way, way easier than a lot of women, particularly when compared to women's conditions around the globe. Food, shelter, safety, support and my midwife are things I can take for granted.

So take my whining with a grain of salt. In a few short months I'll be gushing and basking in new baby love, saying all this wasn't so bad. Feel free to remind me what a wimp I was.

Well, its been posted on Facebook, so it must be real.

We're expecting a new little bundle of joy in late January.

Pregnancy the second time around is a little different. For one thing, I know what's coming, so when the nausea starts to subside, I know its only a matter of time until the heartburn begins. I know I'm running to the bathroom a lot now, but this is nothing compared to how I will feel in December. Some women pull off pregnancy with grace and style. I am not one of them. I feel possessed, that my body is not my own.

And yet.

It's awesome.

One Philly Daddy has been stellarly amazing and helpful. I am blessed to have such an understanding and supportive partner. But I'm kind of eager to get back to having some energy and motivation of my own. Pregnancy tends to fog my brain, and I have a hard time remembering why I walked from one room to the next. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week. Luckily I anticipate getting some of  that brain power back in a few weeks.

One Philly Son has been making incredible strides with letters and vocabulary. I'm in constant awe of this little person emerging before my eyes. I'm eager to see him in the new role of big brother.

The discomfort I feel is temporary. The love and joy to be added to my family is forever.