It's all about perspective...

My new daughter will be 2 weeks old in a few days. So the story of her delivery is still fresh-ish in my mind. It is amazing how quickly those details fade when life is filled with new details about eating, pooping, the first smile, the first bath, the first field trip, etc. Life, it is amazing.

Anyway, when I had my son 2 1/2 years ago, I hurt my back during his delivery. Bad. I barely walked for 6 weeks following his birth, saw a chiropractor 3 times a week and lived 23 hours a day in a glider, the only piece of furniture I could get in and out of. It was bad.

My labor progressed so quickly that I wasn't able to get an epidural or pain relief of any kind. I pushed for over 3 hours and the pain was excruciating. But it was hard to tell what was "normal" labor and what was my back issues.

So when it came time to deliver another baby, I was hesitant. Nervous. Apprehensive. Ok, occasionally scared sh!tless.

I consulted with my chiropractor, a very capable woman who had a rough time delivering her 3 year old daughter and my midwife, a trusted source of baby delivering information. I knew both of these women were intimately (sometimes really intimately) aware of my situation and would have my best interest at heart.

So when both (BOTH!) of them advised against an epidural I was a little heartsick, but I took their advice. 

For most of the delivery I was able to utter the words "still better than last time" to my husband and midwife. Because, it was. Yes, it hurt, but I was able to walk and talk and breathe through the contractions. I was pumped. I could do this!

Until I couldn't.

It eventually became apparent that my daughter was coming out with her hand and arm by her face. In a space barely capable of handling a round soft head, without the additional harsh angles of elbows and hands.

So, once again, things got painful. In my head I was thinking "I can't do this, what was I thinking not getting the epidural, I'm NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER doing this again, OUCH!!!, I can't do this!" The pain was terrible and I screamed. A lot. I'm typically not the rowdy loud person, so I am shocked at the screams I am able to produce. But, yeah, it hurt. A lot.

One request I made of my husband during delivery was to say the words "you can do it, you can do it, you can do it" over and over and over again to me. I wasn't hearing that in my head and I knew I HAD to do it, so I just had to buckle down and do it. I relied on his believing in me and telling me I could do it when I couldn't tell myself.

But I felt pretty lousy. I was disappointed in myself for not being able to believe in myself. I was feeling guilty for not performing with more grace the second time around.

But when our midwife came to check me out less than 36 hours after our daughters birth (with zero back issues, thank you very much) she congratulated me on being tough and doing so well. I dismissed her praise but she continued "No, you hung in there and you did it. Not once did you say you couldn't do it. You (meaning my husband and I) make a great team."

Huh. Its true, I wasn't hearing my voice say I could do it, but I did the next best thing. Found a voice I trusted to tell me I could.

So in a moment when I was feeling less than strong and capable, other people were seeing me as strong, able, tough, resilient and part of a great team.

Sometimes, a different perspective can make all the difference...who's perspective will you consider today?