Have you noticed you have more energy to take care of what you have to do when you take care of yourself?

This is a lesson I learn and re-learn often, but I just read a Scoutie Girl's blog about fitting in her personal creative projects, not just her work ones. Her goal is to not lose her personal goals in the face of her professional success and abundance.

Which is a very noble cause, in my humble opinion. I'm always impressed by how renewed and energized I feel after I do something for myself. Whether it's yoga, drinks with friends, painting my nails or just catching a chick flick, it almost always works. There was a time I thought of those things as a waste of time, taking me from what I "had" to do.

Actually, the opposite is true, and taking care of me gives me strength and motivation for taking down Christmas decorations, 3 loads of laundry a day, dishes, bath time with One Philly Son and getting myself to work. Of course this means sometimes walking away from something that "has" to be done for something infinitely more important - me.

Don't forget to put some me time on your schedule, you'll be glad you did!

Here we are, a week into the new year already. Does it still feel shiny and new to you?

Nothing really has changed in my life, but the things have been set in motion to bring change in the near future.

And I'm that cool nervous excited for it. I'm about to embark on an entirely new path, one I previously felt I couldn't walk. And now I'm eager for the change. (Don't worry, I'll fill you in when I can.)

I'm sure a part of me is merely romanticizing what life will be like when things change, but I honestly do expect positive change for me and in me. Already I can feel some of the frustration fading. We have two dogs, one whom must be kept on a lead because no matter what alterations we do to the fence, he escapes. Well, on Friday in the midst of a snow storm, he managed to get off his lead and pranced, hopped, ran and gallopped around the yard. One Philly Son was alone in the house but watching through the screen door as I chased after our dog on my slippers (without socks. In the snow. While my son was alone in the house.) A few weeks ago I would've felt frustrated, boxed in and resentful. I would've been harsh with my dog, which always makes our other dog cower. So I would've felt guilty.

All because my plate felt full to brimming and spilling over with obligation and responsibility.

On the day in question, I laughed.

It was funny, afterall, and I now feel my energy, spirit, time and love will be spent in a way that feels worthwhile to me. I felt free to laugh, and roll with the day, rather than weighed down by things. Things that were not serving me, adding to my sense of purpose or joy, or supporting my ideal life. These things remain present, but just the knowledge that I will soon be rid of them was enough to put a smile and a laugh where a scowl and a curse used to live.

I can't think of any better proof that I'm doing the right thing.

Back to reality

Today I, along with many of us, returned to reality. That is, I went back to work (some of you went back to school) after a long holiday break. Personally, I was out of work for 13 straight days, and had loads of quality family time.

I realized something while on my break. Being a full-time SAHM (that's stay-at-home-Mom) is not nearly as easy as I once imagined. I once imagined SAHM meant a clean house, home-cooked dinner every night, and loads of time for undivided attention to the child(ren).

Yes, I've been working from home, but being a working-from-home-Mom I didn't really get a real impression of what being a day-in-day-out stay at home Mom would be like. It was easy to blame challenges of the day on trying to be a worker-Mom/caregiver/house cleaner/cook.

But let me tell you, full-time, 100% Mom ain't easy. Not that I ever thought it was, but here's the essence of what I learned.

It's not about you/me (the Mom). What I could accomplish in a day, the mood of the day, the events of the day were dependent not on me or my plans, but on One Philly Son.

Talk about an "aha!" moment. (Or "duh!". Either works...)

The journey of the SAHM is (somewhat) to manage a world in which you are not in charge. I mean, not really. Sure, you can set the parameters of nap time, meal time, play time, TV or not. But throw one ear infection in there (as we did) and things can get thrown out of whack.

Still, its something that intrigues me. More and more a traditional role of Mom and homemaker (feminists, look away!) appeals to me. I can see the fleetingness of time before the kid(s) go to school. I can understand the desire to be the one to teach colors, numbers, and letters. I can see the joy and happiness of being with  your child(ren) every day, all day. I am drawn to playground and coloring books, to lazy breakfasts spent talking about yellow bananas and green grapes and round bowls.

I also have a greater appreciation and understanding of the frustration that may accompany the career path of SAHM. No, it is not easy. But, oh how rewarding!

During the time I was home on break, One Philly Son seemed to develop in leaps and bounds. We went to the Please Touch Museum not once, but twice and he loved it. He started responding to One Philly Daddy and my verbal communication more and more. One Philly Daddy said "give me your pacifier" and One Philly Son DID. One Philly Daddy said "come here and help put your coat on" and One Philly Son DID! When I mention taking a bath, One Philly Son not only goes upstairs to the bathtub, but also signs "bath." He's also consistently signing "more" and "eat." I think "milk", "drink", and "play" are not far behind.

I have no idea if these developments have anything to do with me being home for a long stretch and being able to focus solely on One Philly Son or if it is a coincidence. I have no idea if he's been doing these things all along and I just finally noticed.

But I am grateful that I was here and present and aware of these things as they happened.