Doing what I want to do, not what I have to do...

So I've been tearing through life and its never-ending to-do list, but tonight is a change of pace.

Tonight my husband is at a 76ers game (part of his Christmas present from yours truly) with a friend, my son is sleeping (and has been for almost an hour already), and I am sitting in bed, in my pj's, with my laptop and a bag of Teddy Grahams cookies (which are unfortunately stale).

I might take a hot bath, drink a glass of wine and / or paint my nails. Or maybe none of that. Maybe I'll just go to sleep.

Trust me, there's ton to be done in the house, so this is not one of those "rest because you earned it" sorts of things.

This is one of those "because I want to" things.

I occassionally (my husband will laugh hysterically when he reads that) have a hard time knowing what I want to do, let along actually doing what I want to do. But it really is so important.

A friend of mine recently decided that she was taking time to go to the gym, even if it meant the house wasn’t as clean. Since her family has a history of health problems and she has children it was easy for me to see how her health was the obvious priority. Her kids will care more that she is around and healthy long into their lives than that there wasn’t dust. It was so easy to see that in my friend’s life but it is something I struggle with.

I'm definitely much more inclined to be consumed with what I "have" to do, not what I "want" to do.

On the occassions I do manage to take the time to do something that lights me up, makes me feel whole and wonderful I find that I have that much more to give to my husband and my child and my job and everything. So there is the paradox of doing what you want to do, instead of what you have to do. Taking time out to take care of yourself actually makes it easier to do all the things you HAVE to do. Ironic, huh?

So tonight, I'm sitting on my a$$, watching weeks old shows on my Tivo and considering trying out my new shade of nailpolish.

There are 5 loads of clean laundry waiting to be put away, clean dishes in the dishwasher and clean pots in the drying rack, cat and dog hair, um, everywhere, and cat litter probably beginning to be a bit stinky...

And. I. don't. care.