No rest for the weary, more or less....

I'm tired. I know, we all are. And not the "I'd kinda like to rest for a minute" tired, but the squinting at the computer, straining to understand the words on the screen, kind of achy, slow brain, bone tired.

And that's cool. Cause I should be. I have a recently new job (less than 7 months old) that I love. It invigorates and motivates and challenges and engages me. Awesome. So I put in extra hours. But those extra hours are noticed and appreciated. Also awesome.

I have 2 kids, 2 dogs, an active social calendar and a house to keep up with. There's  dance and gymnastics, end of school concerts and picnics, recitals, rehearsals, and teacher gifts. And don't forget summer camp registrations, payment due dates, health forms and emergency contact forms. Vacation plans, packing and again, payments and forms. Wedding plans, outfits, schedules, gifts, and celebrations. A yard that needs tending and an HVAC system that needs replacing. Car inspections and registrations. All also awesome.

All these converge together to create a blessed life. A messy life. A good life. A full life. A life that sometimes has me just feeling a tad numb to the bulk of all that needs to be done. And, most of the time, my reaction has been to just TRY HARDER. DO MORE. DIG DEEPER.

Ah, but Dr. Brené Brown has another idea. Instead of digging deeper, pushing harder, making it work, she suggests we just chill out. Another blogger reviews her thoughts on the idea here.

As put in her books, Brown suggests we  "get Deliberate, Inspired, and Going" - so instead of taking the malaise of a slow energy day, and forcing through the list of to-do's, she suggests we get deliberate in our actions (if you're tired and mindlessly scrolling Facebook, why not just be honest that you're pooped and do something that will actually invigorate you? instead of feed the malaise?), "inspired to make new and different choices" (is your schedule full of stuff you really don't care about? find a way to unravel your commitment to those things) and "get going" (take some action!).

I like this approach because it encourages mindfully being aware of what actually energizes your soul and investing your self and energy into that. It means being honest with yourself, and shaping a life that YOU want, not that someone told you to want or you think you should want. And if you're defining it, others' thoughts on that life become less and less important.

And, it also leaves room for how you define those things to change. What feels like a lifetime ago, I worked at a place that taught me a great deal. My time there ended abruptly, when they determined we were no longer a "good fit", but, as with many things that end, my time there, and the ending was a gift. A wise person there told me that, over time, the things that were important to him didn't really change, but the way there were expressed in life changed drastically.

A word like "fulfillment" may be important, but will mean vastly different things to a 20 year old, 30, year old, 40 year old. Add a few more variables regarding kids, homes, etc, and that definition changes even more. For me, fulfillment at 26 meant being single after a long relationship and really learning who I was. By 30 it meant investing in a wedding that One Philly Daddy and I could pay cash for, and a home that didn't max out our income. At 39 it means a career that offers flexibility, advancement, and stability, so I can provide for, but also have time to enjoy my family. Most importantly is that these are MY definitions. You should make and honor your own. No cheating!

So, yes, I'm tired. My house isn't as clean as I'd like it to be (read: not as clean as I think YOU want it to be, or as clean as my mother would like it, or as clean as my friend keeps hers. As clean as I'D like it to be.) but, I can handle that. My calendar is full, but I'm choosing what to fill it up with and what to leave out. My career is busy, but so, so, so fun and fulfilling for me.

I am busy, and I am tired. But I am choosing what's making me tired, and I'm also choosing what to let go of. I'm choosing how to rest my weary soul, so that it can thrive another exciting day in a life that I DESIGNED. That I chose and built along with One Philly Daddy.

Because, if you build your life for you, you can be freer to decide what can wait until tomorrow. Maybe your sink is full, but writing a blog will make you come alive. Maybe the clothes in your washer are starting to mildew, but your legs and lungs really need a run. Maybe the dust bunnies qualify for their own caucus, but you really want a cup of tea on the patio.

Here's the secret: that blog, run or cup of tea will give you MORE energy for those dishes, laundry and dust bunnies. Feeding your soul allows you to bring MORE to the table of your life. Pushing when you're tired means less to give, less joy, less presence and less YOU.

So, there's always going to be LESS and MORE of stuff. Chores or joy. You or someone else's standards. Things you want to do and things you feel you have to do. Things that fill you up and things that wear you out.

Together, let's try to decide in a deliberate, inspired way what we will build MORE or LESS of. Then, when you're tired, at least it'll be energy well spent on your dreams, instead of someone else's.