How strong is your heart?

Every once in awhile life, the universe, God gives you a chance, a reminder of just how strong you are, and can be.

My cat died today. She was somewhere around 20 years and was a cranky, ornery cat. Always has been.

I hate revisionist historians, you know, the ones who go on and on about how great so-and-so and such-and-such was? Even though when it was going on it was all bitch and moan?

Well, this cat was not friendly and cuddly. But she had been with my family around 20 years and with me for almost 10 of those. She's moved with me 7 times alone. She's been there through break-ups, marriage, and kids. She defended me from mice, shed copious amounts of hair on every surface of my life and house. She's woken me up with hungry meows more times than I care to remember. She was the inspiration for One Philly Son's first word beyond Mommy and Daddy. One Philly Daddy, though highly allergic , referred to her as our "first" baby, even though I had her ages before we even met.

But the last few days she couldn't stand or eat. I hope she wasn't in pain. I'd been spoon feeding her and using a dropper to give her fluids. Still, she steadily declined.

She started not doing well after a few flea treatments. She's old. I'll never know what caused her to fall ill, or if this was her time all along.

In the midst of this One Philly Daddy had a health scare bad enough to warrant an ER visit on Sunday morning. Luckily, most importantly, way more than my cat, he checked out 100% ok and he's fine.

But, there's been a lot going on before all this went on.

Our car needed an unexpected repair Friday afternoon.

A recurring issue with our bathroom drains meant a recent visit from a plumber.

Following the recent hurricane, we replaced the fence in our yard.

Just days ago, we sent our deposit for our summer rental in Wildwood.

My brother-in-law deploys today.

I've cried. A lot, in the past few days. I've also felt joy, elation, excitement, love, regret, guilt, despair, hope, resignation, concern, relief, and full on fear (nothing quite compares to a wife running through the halls of an ER to find her husband. I pray that's not an experience we repeat often. Or ever.).

To say my heart, mind and soul have had a work out the past few days is an understatement.

And yet.

There is a sense of solidarity. Of strength. Of acceptance. Of love. Of peace.

Lacey, love, you weren't the perfect cat, and I wasn't the perfect cat-mom. But I hope you know you were loved, and will be missed.