I've made a monumental decision.

Using One Philly Daddy as my inspiration and muse, I've decided to give up chocolate for 2011. For those of you intimately aware of my eating habits and coping skills this is a big deal!

One Philly Daddy is giving up something in 2011, and it got me to thinking. Sweets and chocolate have long been something I enjoy but have no real control over. As a child my paternal grandmother would give us multiple shopping bags of candy at each holiday. Christmas was chocolate Santa's and boxes of candy canes. Easter was hollow bunnies, Peeps of all shapes and colors, peanut butter eggs, a giant chocolate coated coconut egg, with m&m's of the appropriate color for each of us. Sweets were not something we had in my house, so when they were around, we binged. I mean, really binged. What is probably an entire family's worth of sweets was ingested by each of us in a matter of days. At every holiday. For my entire childhood. How we handled the sudden influx of thousands of calories, I'll never know.

As an adult I managed to enjoy sweets and chocolate and solved my lack of self control by not having it around. But, still, when sweets are around, they are eaten with gusto.

Worse, I've realized lately that my choco-binges are becoming more and more emotionally driven. Rough day = chocolate. Used to be a few Hershey kisses would satisfy me. Recently, I think I could've polished off a one pound box of Ashers, if common sense didn't prevail. I've even torn the house apart in the wee hours of the night to make a batch of chocolate chip cookies (the mix from the store, I'm not that crazy...) And lunch at work, well, does a bag of Party Mix and the chocolate du jour sound healthy to you?

Here's the sad part. I hardly enjoy the chocolate anymore. Its not a treat, its not something special to be savored, I'm not sure I taste it. Its something to be shoved down my throat in massive quantities to distract me from whatever's going on that day.

And this year, there's been plenty to be distracted from. Merger at work, poor economy, motherhood (which I love, love, LOVE. But I still haven't figured out how to shower everyday that I am home with him. And forget working out, reading, shaving, switching out my summer clothes for winter clothes or any of those other luxuries...wouldn't change a thing, adore One Philly Son, but parenting, it's a smidge time consuming...)

So I'm giving up chocolate. But its also symbolic of a move toward greater health (more real food instead of the processed crap; time to exercise, meditate, or whatever it takes to make me feel healthy), peace (see again meditation, etc) and happiness (ahem, work situation). For reasons beyond my control, this past year has left me feeling invisible and tired (again, ahem, work). Its not a feeling I love. And I know that indulging in chocolate is really not facing the facts, confronting them and DOING something about it. Its sticking my head in the sand. Or in this case a family size bag of M&M's...with chocolate covered pretzels...and Oreos...well, you get the idea.

Not only is the chocolate not a good coping mechanism, it is not physically giving me the strength, focus or nutrients I need to live my life. There's a reason its not one of the food groups.

So I'm giving it up. Not just because its chocolate, but because of what it means....I'm actually looking forward to it. (For now. Ask me again Jan 3rd...)