Patience is a virtue

Every now and then I start to wonder about my life.

Am I happy with what's going on? Am I being true to myself? Am I shortchanging myself in anyway? Can I be proud of the life I am leading and the choices that I am making?

Currently these questions center around the issue of working and my family.

Do I want to work? Do I want to work full time? Do I want to work where I am working? Am I happy doing what I'm doing? How do I best provide for my family while taking care of myself?

Never mind that my current work-from-home schedule is what I dreamed for and worked very deliberately for, never mind that I am currently living what we planned for as the "best case scenario."

I'm sure it doesn't help that my professional life is in a bit of turmoil at the moment. Talks and water-cooler gossip about mergers, resignations and the like don't make for a fulfilling atmosphere.

It can be pretty hard to put your heart and soul into work when your work is filling you with uncertainty and doubt.

I think my real "problem" is not so much with whether or not I am happy with my situation, but with how long my current situation will last. The unknown is always a bit unsettling, particularly when you have no control over the unknown.

I'm a bit of a planner. I know what bills I'm paying with what paycheck through the end of the year. One Philly Daddy and I have been planning when to start trying for baby #2 for months now. And it's still months away. I've already started saving for One Philly Daddy's dream vacation to Las Vegas for his 40th birthday. Which is 6 years away. I debate the virtues of our school district, even though my son is not yet 9 months old.

But all I can do in this situation is keep going to work, and wait. (Quitting for the sole reason that I am stressed about what might or might not happen just seems silly.)

If you haven't guessed, I'm not all that patient!

So, I think I'll use the situation at work of not knowing what is going on as an exercise in letting life unfold, being open to what may came, and trusting that everything will be ok.

If I plan it right, I should be ok with this situation in no time at all!