The reward of focusing on the positive

I can to be very hard on myself, focusing much more attention on the mistakes, missteps, and screw-ups than on the positives. (In fact, I sometimes don't even realize the positives.) In my head I can never get enough done, be nice enough to my husband, work hard enough, excercise enough, save enough, well you get the idea....

The hope being, of course, that if I just do everything right nothing bad will happen. (Yes, I am fully aware that this concept is nonsense.)

This is something I work on improving because, even though its my knee jerk reaction to life and myself, #1 I know its not true (no one is as bad as I tell myself I am sometimes), #2 it is certainly not productive or fun. Who wants to be or be around someone that down on themselves? #3 I know that is a barrier to my ultimate goal in life: a happy, healthy family #4 In an ironic twist, it keeps me from enjoying the happy, healthy family I already have.

So I'm making a renewed attempt to focus on the positive, to see what we've accomplished instead of what we've missed, to celebrate my victories (no matter how small) instead of only seeing my missteps.

This is of course, easier said than done, but I have to report, it works amazingly well. I don't know that anyone around me can tell, but today I tried really, really hard to celebrate what I did right instead of what I did wrong.

Here are some examples:
My husband was near my office in the city for work today and we met for an early lunch. We got sandwiches and sat in Rittenhouse Square. We talked, and held hands, and took a walk. Instead of focusing on and worrying about the work I had to get done or fretting that I shouldn't take a lunch, I enjoyed the surprise hour in the middle of the day I got to spend with my husband.

When I got home from work, my husband had dinner started and the baby fed. (Yes, there are days I would have a hard time seeing the good in this situation. Sad, isn't it?) Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the spices spilled on the stove, the pile of dishes in the sink or the lack of vegetables in the meal, I rejoiced that dinner was half done, smiled at my smiling son, and made some vegetables to add to dinner (which One Philly Daddy thought was a great idea).

After dinner I sat on the floor with my son and we played with his blocks (which he loves). There are times I would be focusing on the clock, thinking about all the work I had yet to do, seeing the dust on the floor, the dog hair under the couch, and letting myself feel overwhelmed. Yes, I might be on the floor playing with my son, but in my head it would be just another "to-do" on my never ending list of things that have to be done. Instead, I realized my son was banging two blocks together and clapping his hands, something that a month ago, he couldn't do.

I'm not saying I've got this "being positive" thing down, or that I won't feel overwhelmed again, but today, for a few hours, I had some peace in my mind. There is real reward in being positive, and I hope I find it again tomorrow!