The power of positive thinking

I've been thinking a lot about my thoughts and feelings and how they influence my impression of my world.
Its a fascinating experiment, I always wonder which person I really am. Am I the person I am when I focus on the positive and make an effort to be grateful? Or am I the person I am when I am cranky, tired, with the weight of the world on my shoulders?

I can feel like I have to do it all, not wanting to ask for help or inconvenience anyone around me. I can quite convincingly convince myself that I'm a terrible mother, awful wife, worse housekeeper, that I can't keep up like "everyone" else can. My house is dirtier, my romance is more tired, my clothes are uglier, I'm not as in shape, as good looking or as smart as I should be.

But here's a fascinating experiment. Try it.

When some of those "I'm so ugly, stupid, fat and dumb" thoughts enter your mind, be aware and then try to cut them short. And then - this is hard, hard, hard in the beginning (at least it was for me) - put something positive in its place. And I mean a REAL POSITIVE.

Not one of those lousy, "at least I'm not as bad as..." or "it could be worse" "positives". Cause those aren't really positives. Those are just another way for you to tell yourself how awful you are while trying to sound nice. Like a compliment that cleverly hides an insult, that kind of positve doesn't really support you at all.

Think for as long as it takes for you to find something that really makes you smile. In your soul.

Try to think of a time you felt really good. And not just smart "enough", or thin "enough", or liked "enough". I mean, really, really good. A time when you looked around and thought "Damn! I got this!" A time when your life felt like it was going in the right direction. A time when you felt on top of your game, a time when you felt like anything you wanted to do, you could. Think about how you imagined your life and how great and happy you would be. Feel how good you felt then.

You're still the same person, take that feeling with you.

The flip side of that is thinking about when life wasn't so good. When you were broke, sad, alone and feeling like nothing, nothing, nothing ever went your way. At that time, what did you want? What did you think would make it "all better?"

Do you remember a time when $1,000 was an unfathomable amount of money? Do you remember a time when you thought, if only you had a job, everything would be ok? Do you remember a time when you thought, if only I had someone to talk too, everything would be ok? Do you remember a time when you thought, if only I had my own place, everything would be ok?

There's a long list of "if only's" that can keep us from ever reaching happy.

When I play that particular game, I find myself realizing that I've more than met many of my goals, more than achieved my dreams. Not all of them, of course, I'm not suggesting I'm done at the ripe old age of 32. But I've accomplished much in my life.

I've crossed so much off my "list" - college education, decent job, good husband, healthy baby, savings account, new (to me) car, nice house, good friends. But the goal can feel like it keeps getting moved away.

Everytime I get close to the finish line, I move it back. I'll be happy when.... I'll consider myself "done" when.... I'll stop worrying when.... I'll be confident when.....

And spending more energy focusing on the positive starts to take away those "when I...." statements. I remind myself that laundry and dishes do not equal happiness. I remind myself that there is only now. If I am going to wait until everything is crossed off my "to-do" list, I am missing the point, aren't I?

I only get one life. And the life I got ain't bad.

(Sorry Mrs. Winter - best English teacher I ever had)

So I'm continuing to focus on the positives, remind myself of where I come from and how far I've come. Remind myself of the positives. Celebrate what I've finished.

There are loads and loads of books to lead the way down this path, a quick search on Amazon brings up titles like The Power of Positive Thinking, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living and even an MP3 download Creating Postive Thoughts and a DVD Thoughts Become Things. 

And of course, that's just the beginning, there's loads more if you are interested. I've read many books to learn how to be happy and start living. But I've learned, I just have to do it. I've read enough to know what I need to do. Think positive. Focus on the good. Celebrate what you've done. And now, its about practice. Like most things, no one gets to be really great at something without loads and loads of practice. Even those with a natural aptitude for something have to practice to become great.

So that's what I'm going to do. Practice and practice and practice.

And eventually, I'll be really good at it....