"Mother Shock"

I recently finished reading "Mother Shock tales from the First Year and Beyond Loving Every (Other) Minute of It" by Andrea Buchanan.

It is essentially a collection of essays written by this woman during her journey into motherhood. She compares the process of becoming a mother to culture shock, the shock one feels when placed in a new and different environment. Culture shock is when you don't know the language, the traditions, the unspoken rules, the rhythm of a new place.

If you think about it, we all experience this whenever we start something new. Purchasing a home for the first time, starting a new job, moving to a new neighborhood, planning a wedding (oh, the lessons learned in that process!), entering a new phase of life, joining a new group.

So it makes sense that becoming a mother would involve some of the same milestones and experiences.

I really like the stories told in this book, because they are honest and familiar. The author tells of a fantasy she had when her daughter was first home - she dreamt she ran away. Not because she didn't love her husband or daughter or her life. I think it was because the sense that your freedom is "gone" can be somewhat daunting at first. While I didn't have a fantasy about running away, I did have some serious doubts about being a working from home Mom (WFHM - does that work?). I wasn't sure how to be all the me's at once, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to do what I was doing, even though I'd deliberately set up my professional life to allow the work from home schedule. It was scary, overwhelming and daunting, and I didn't always cope with grace.

But of course (and this happens after a little time in any new situation), now that I am 5 months into being a WFHM I feel (even on bad days) blessed, and lucky to be in my situation. I can't really imagine it much different now that I'm adjusted and used to life the way it is. I get to see my son 5 days a week. I get to keep my job. I get to keep earning an income, with no loss in earning. I get to get dressed up and be a grown up a few days a week. The remaining days, I (though I try not too, I can be lazy) can let my hair air dry and sit around in a sweat shirt. I can do "work" laundry once a month. I can cook dinner a few days a week, and have it on the table before 7pm. I am blessed. And I am lucky. But it didn't always feel that way.

Another reason I loved this book, is that she lived near Rittenhouse Square, and tells tales of meeting other new mothers in the Square, managing her new stroller through the city. Reading is a great way to get the imagination going, but I also love when I can read about a place I know. I can see her in the Square, pushing her stroller. It makes her story that much more real and concrete to me.

She tells stories of her daughter as a toddler, and I have the same reaction I did (and I think many of us do) whenever confronted with something new that I knew nothing about. I deny the complexity of the situation, discount her troubles as "not that bad", sure that I will be able to do "better." Luckily, I've been through this process to know that my reactions are wishful thinking, and part of the process.

If we really knew the complexities of the situation, probably fewer of us would actually have children. So, that "it's not so bad", and "but I'll be able to do better" stuff is not so much insulting to the person/mother going through it, as it is protection for the poor soul beginning the endeavor!

I enjoyed the book, found it a comforting, easy (not preachy) read. Check it out!