Monday....check!

Monday - over! Up next - Tuesday!

This morning I had a crazy case of Super Mom - I woke up 10 minutes late after a lousy night's sleep and still managed to shower, dress, feed the baby (he didn't wake up in time to actually get dressed, so he spent the whole day in his jammies. oh to be young!), cat and dogs, set up the Crock-Pot for dinner, pack a lunch, and catch my train on time.

There is something about pushing that hard that is exhilarating. I have a real sense of pride in being able to get as much done as I do sometimes. Which, is of course, in direct conflict with my philosophies of "taking care of myself", "asking for help" and "maintaining a "work life balance." Sometimes I feel like I'm caught between two completely different urges and don't know which way to go...

There are lots of things like this in life that seem to be opposites pulling and pushing on us all at the same time. Usually life is too full, or too loud, to actually notice those opposing pushes and pulls that are always working on us.

This weekend I took a yoga class at Twisters with one of my favorite yoga teachers.

I like this teacher because her classes are not just a physical workout (admittedly, this is why lots of people are turned off to yoga, but I love it), but even a mental, and sometimes emotional, workout.

She picks a theme, a topic, something to talk about and focus on during our practice - this week it was the topic of growth and boundaries. Her example, the flowers in her yard, being re-born after a long winter underground. But more than that, it was pushing against that which holds us back - in this case, the stubborn pile of snow and ice, that would seem to block the growth of these tiny, tiny flowers. And yet, she observes these tiny flowers finding a way to grow sideways and around the ice and snow. The point being, of course, that if a tiny flower can persist enough, push enough, grow enough that it can find a way around the ice and snow, what could we do, if we just pushed a little harder?

I also watched Precious this weekend. I found Precious to be a powerful movie, at times difficult to watch. (Spoiler alert! Just in case you haven't seen it yet...) Precious is a young girl from Harlem, who was raped and impregnated (twice) by her father and abused and resented by her mother. Her mother goes so far as to accuse Precious of stealing her man away, and constantly belittles her intelligence and spirit. Clearly, Precious is behind the 8-ball in life, and it would be understandable, even predictable if she were to grow up and further the cycle of abuse.

And yet...with just a glimmer of faith from total strangers, she learns to read, to stand up for herself, to care for and love her children.

So I'm thinking a lot about learning to grow out of and around our own piles of snow and ice, about learning how to see the pure value in yourself when even those who are meant to protect you and love you above all else can't, or won't.

I'm thinking about the strength it takes to absorb all that pushing and pulling and still go in the direction YOU want to go in, not the direction of the pushing or the pulling.

Is it fair that some of us are born with giant piles of snow and ice over our heads? Of course not. Is it right that we have to learn to grow sideways just to find the sun? Of course not.

But how wonderful does it feel when someone brushes aside that pile of snow and ice to show you the sun, or reaches out to say "I love you" or "I understand" when no one else has?

Sometimes I'm pushed into my Super Mom role, and sometimes I pull back...regardless, we're all being pushed and pulled. We can't stop the pushing or pulling, we can only try to re-direct it where we want to go.
I wish you luck with the pile of snow over your head, and hope we all find the sun.