I've always been a bit of a worrier. Professionals and those in the know call it catastrophizing. Essentially this means exaggerating the negative of a situation and expecting not just the worst, but an unrealistic made-for-TV, horrible, awful version of the worst. It means a lot of time spent afraid and worrying.

I've put a lot of work into not doing this, and continue to do so, as it can still my brain's "default" setting when tired or stressed (the normal kind). I used to think that if I expected and prepared for the worst, than I wouldn't be surprised or upset when it happened, and maybe I could see how to prevent it from happening. Preparing this way seemed like a "smart" and "safe" thing to do.

I recently spoke with my sister about the worries of pregnancy and motherhood. If you let it, the long list of foods not to eat, potential toxins in your home, things to improve your child's brain power, etc, etc, etc can really overwhelm and scare you. A lot. My god, the catastrophes that loom in parenthood!

I assured my sister that worrying comes with motherhood. One Philly Son is 15 months old, we have a video monitor so I can SEE and hear him at night and I still go in his room sometimes at night to check on him. Just to be sure that seeing him breathe and hearing him breathe aren't illusions, I go rest my hand on his chest to feel him breathe. (I also cover him back up, since he kicks his covers off a few times a night, then ends up sleeping in a tiny little ball, I assume because its warmer...so its practical AND somewhat irrational)

I told her that worrying and fear pre-baby are nothing compared to the potential worrying and fear post-baby. After a baby, the stakes are higher, the threats scarier, the horror stories more unimaginable.

But as I talked with her, I realized that the love and joy are far outweighing my fear and worry.
And that's really the important part, isn't it? Focusing on the love and joy (not just as it relates to babies, but everything)? Reaching out with two hands to hold on to it, regardless of the risk it brings? Trusting that it will all work out? And that if it doesn't, you'll have the strength and fortitude to handle it anyway?

In my experience, the love and the joy are what you remember when you look back on life events. The worrying and fear seem useless in the peace of hindsight, once everything has worked out. And after observing this over and over and over and over again in my own life, I decided to start expecting it to work out so that I could actually enjoy the "during" part of my life, instead of just as a happy flashback.

So in these hectic holiday times, with gloom and doom on the news and all around, try to imagine yourself as the you when all these worries have worked out. Imagine yourself seeing how everything you may be going through right now has led you to a better place, and see if some of your fear and worry transforms into love and joy.

Happy Holidays!