Learning to be content where I am

Since One Philly Son was born, I've experienced ebbs and flows of satisfaction regarding my decision to work from home.

I've felt alternately stretched and pulled into being worker, Mom, wife, housekeeper all at once and also abundantly blessed.

It is difficult to be faced with the decision to answer this email or pick up your son. Its not easy to realize your baby is learning to play by himself, perhaps not because this is an innate skill of his, to be self-entertained, but rather because he has too, because you can't get down on the floor and play with him right now.

On the flip side, of course, I feel blessed to maintain my full earning level during these trying economic times. I know people who've been looking for a job (just something to pay the bills so they can stop raiding their retirement fund, these people are not waiting for the job or anything...), so I know how blessed I am to have an income, benefits, AND three days a week to work from home and be with my son. How dare I complain when so many have less?

In many ways, working from home is THE perfect set up. A combination of keeping your feet in the adult, professional, have-to-take-a-shower-and-brush-your-hair world and the my kid is my life, sit-on-the-floor-and-bang-on-pots-and-pans world.

I am so aware of how blessed and lucky I am, that I sometimes can not believe that I would have the audacity to question it.

Because I know at least 2 things to be true:
Number 1 - I am beyond blessed.

Number 2 - I am blessed with exactly what I asked for.

But I suppose it is human nature to fall into the grass-is-always-greener way of thinking. "If only this or that, then I'd be truly content and fulfilled."

I know as much as anyone that no external factor can determine happiness or satisfaction. That has to come from within. The goal is to be true to yourself, honest with your desires, and do what you can to achieve those desires. But the goal is also to be content with what you have, finding that balance of striving for more while being satisfied with what you have.

What a tough balance, right?

I know I'm not the only one to finally get just what I wanted, only to feel like maybe its not all I thought it would be after all. What "wishes" have you had granted, only to realize its a little different than you imagined?