How finances affect the decision to be a Mom with a career or a stay-at-home Mom

I won't say the choice is to be a "working" Mom or a stay at home Mom, because, trust me, stay at home Mom's WORK!

This is something I've debated since before day one of motherhood, and lots of questions are taken into account.

One piece that enters my inner debate/conflict is my Mom's experience. I was 12 when my mother entered a new phase of life as a Single-Mom. She had 4 children and had not worked in 12 years. She had no degree. She had no training. She had little employment history. Because of my father's bi-polar disorder and associated erratic spending and behavior, there was no savings. To my knowledge, she did not have a savings, checking or credit card account in her name. I'm not entirely sure she was allowed to know much of the details of the family's financial life.

As a child, I'm not totally aware of all the details, but I do know my father gave my mother grocery money, but that it was often not enough. During some of his manic, spending sprees (he started a sail making business for sailboats in our urban, land locked city. I think I'd seen one sailboat that looked like it hadn't sailed in years in the whole city.) I'm not entirely sure there was money for groceries. I do know churches donated food to us occasionally, particularly around holidays.

When I was young, my parents declared bankruptcy, and I remember all sleeping in one bed during the winter to stay warm. I remember school lunches being whatever Mom could scrounge up. It was disgusting, but tuna on graham crackers was a staple. I guess it was pretty cheap. I remember the first time I had a sandwich at someones house and they put more than one piece of lunch meat on the bread. What riches!

None of that is supposed to sound "oh poor me!"

But it does provide a great deal of insight, I think, into the depth of the debate many, many parents (not just Mom's) go through in deciding how to structure their "new" family. (As in, not the one they came from.)

My husband and I are in a vastly, incredibly different situation in all ways from my family of origin - financially, mental health, respect, support, communication, age (my parents were 21 when they had me, we are in our 30's), life goals, etc, etc, etc....

But the experience of seeing my Mom without resources, without the ability to depend on herself financially when the situation required it, without the skills and experiences necessary to be savvy financially certainly impacts my thought process. I can not imagine how insurmountable life must've seemed to her.

So it makes sense that job = money = security for me. So it is taken into account for the decisions I make for my family and for myself.

Still, its only part of the equation. What things affect the decisions you make for your family?