The Pursuit of Happyness

I had a rough afternoon today.

Had a lot of work to do. Baby was crying and fussy (which he so rarely is, it is really confusing when he is). And dogs were, well, annoying.

To top it all of One Philly Daddy and I are making an offer on what could be our forever house. Its before we planned, we're "just" ready, and lots of things would have to fall perfectly into place for it to work out. Oh yeah, and the economy still isn't great.

So one minute I think this is a smart thing, that the timing works out well, that this new house will give us flexibility for the next steps of our lives. (We love, love, love our current house, but no closets and a 9x10 nursery won't last us long...) And the next I'm thinking we're not sure of so many things, why would we do this now?

So even considering all of this is stressful, not to mention the actual real stress of buying and selling, packing and moving. All while working (from home) and living and dealing with annoying dogs. (Poor pups are getting blamed for everything today!)

So this afternoon I was feeling unsure.

And like a vision I remembered I felt exactly the same way when we bought the house we are in now. Excited. Scared. Alternately hoping it works out and hoping it doesn't. Wishing it were 6 days/weeks/months in the future and I knew how this BIG decision would all work out. Praying that it does work out.

And then I thought about The Pursuit of Happyness (Widescreen Edition), a movie I've wanted to watch forever and finally watched this weekend. Will Smith stars in this movie about the real life of Chris Gardner, a struggling salesman and single father who accepts an unpaid internship at Dean Witter, with the belief that it would "work out".  I was touched by the sense that Chris Gardner (Will Smith's character) was consumed by a sense of helplessness but also faith. I won't ruin it for you, but he confronts situations much worse than what I am dealing with. His and his son's basic necessities are threatened daily in very real ways. I found myself holding my son very close, with tears in my eyes at parts of that movie.

To imagine the anguish and pain he must've felt when he was unable to provide the world to his son nearly broke my heart. I love my son more than anything in this or any world, and much of my stress is now a direct result of wanting to do what is "right" for him. If Chris Gardner could manage all he dealt with, surely I can deal with my life.

So now I'm comforting myself with these thoughts:
- Nothing great is achieved without risk.
- My previous life decisions have worked out ok, odds are this one will too.
- No one has a crystal ball, no one knows what is around the next corner. That was true before we found this house, I'm just more aware of it now.

So stay tuned, I'm bound to have some good stories either way!