The accountant and the hippie...

Oh brother. Maybe I shouldn't have said out loud I'd made a decision (even without sharing or executing said decision).

I'm even MORE excited to get going today. I've got plans, BIG plans!

The smart, grown-up, fiscally responsible side of my brain is speaking very slowly, in a serious tone, and is wearing glasses and a tweed jacket.

It says to me "Wait, just a little while longer. This is the smart thing to do. Your dreams will be there."

The New Age, gut and heart following side of my brain is making a face like she just ate something really sour and is rolling her eyes a little bit.

"Seriously? Life is short, get out there and do it already!" She says.

Now the smart, grown up side of my brain turns to the gut-heart following side and says "But what if...." and then trails off in an ominous way, like we couldn't even imagine what may happen if we foolishly run off into the night, following our dreams without a thought in mind.

And, just to up the ante, the gut-heart following side says, very calmly and serenely, "yes, what if?" Implying, of course, that worse than any horrible thing the smart side imagined, is not doing what makes you happy.

Honestly, its kind of amusing. Because, the smart side and the heart-gut side (which sounds kinda gross right now!) have to live together. Like a lot of good marriages and friendships, there is a saver and a spender, a do-whatever-I-feel-like-er and someone seriously planning for the future.

Neither is right or wrong. Neither is good or bad. They both have strong, valid arguments, and they both have down-falls and disadvantages if followed too closely to the letter.

So here I sit, imagining an accountant and a hippie battling it out in my head and in my heart, sure that at the end they'll both say "See. I told you I was right."

Stuck on a hamster wheel, but only temporarily...

I've made a decision. I'm excited, nervous, and eager for the changes this decision will bring.

But I'm not ready to execute. Well, that's not true. I'm ready to execute. But its not time yet. Responsibility, logic and my head are all 100% on the side of waiting a little longer.

But I spent a long time being a list making, a "right" decision maker. I did the right thing, the smart thing, the thing that made sense on paper, added up to the smart thing. And then my life took a serious nose dive. Fiancee dumped me. Serious health problems for my brother. Serious legal and family problems for my sister. Trauma to my niece. Got fired. In like 18 months. No job, alone, scared for those I loved.

And I decided (realized, learned, whatever) with the help of some serious soul searching and hours of heart to hearts with good friends, that life is not lived on paper. The smart thing on paper is not what's really right, and the gut (however flawed and imprecise) is sometimes smarter than the brain.

So I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my gut and heart are behind this decision. I'm not questioning that. But the brain is pulling in the reins a little bit. And that is creating some frustration. I feel like I'm denying myself my heart's desire. And I know the heart does not like to be denied.

The frustration (unfortunately for One Philly Daddy, who gets the brunt of it) leads to crankiness and eating a little too much Halloween candy. But its also very reassuring. There's no confusion or doubt here. I know what I want. And I'm going to get it. And that will be great.

I just got an email at work, telling us that a co-worker (in another Region, someone I do not personally know) has a son, who went from a seemingly healthy 6 year old boy, to a boy battling a cancerous tumor in his brain in a matter of days.

It is one of those scary stories that we all believe happens to "someone else" but all fear might be us. It started with some vision problems, and with a few short days this woman and her family had been sent hundreds of miles away for hopefully life-saving treatment. It is telling that she shares that one of the doctor knows of "a" patient diagnosed with the same tumor in 1999 who is still alive, but its not the "normal".

Yikes.

Talk about a reminder that life is short, and to make the most of it.

My co-worker, the Mom of this boy, writes with optimism and hope and faith. She speaks of her boy being unchanged in the face of treatments and having his life completely uprooted. She is going to fight, go to the ends of the Earth, do everything and more to save his life.

She will probably fail.

I'm not being a downer, but statistically speaking, he will probably not make it. And this brings me to tears. I don't know this woman, I don't know her son. I can only guess the fear and anguish I would feel if I were in her position.

So I'll send hope and love and faith, and donate some of my sick time for my colleague to use, if my company permits it.

And I'll take the lesson to heart, and focus on moving toward my dreams, the things that bring me joy, the things I know in my soul to be important.

And do my best to let the rest of it go.

Little Foster, my prayers and hope and love are with you, your family, your doctors and nurses. You can do this, buddy, you can do this.

I recently reflected on some of my attitudes, statements and feelings during pregnancy and early motherhood, when I felt that I needed to work to maintain my sense of self and contribution to the family.

Here are some of the things I realized:

1) Everything changes. In one short year the way I describe success, happiness, financial security, family and more has changed.

2) Motherhood is a lot more rewarding / time intensive / hands on / demanding / satisfying than I anticipated. One Philly Son is currently fascinated with doors. Open. Close. For half an hour. And forks and spoons. He will smash a roll with a fork for 20 minutes given the opportunity. I see these now as learning experiences and I want to indulge his exploration of the world and the things that fascinate him. This takes time. Lots of time.

3) I enjoy motherhood more than I thought I would. And I've always wanted and loved children. But I was unprepared for the depth of it. For me, it truly has redefined me.

4) Time has become more valuable than money, and it is not unlimited.
At the end of my maternity leave I considered returning to work early. I was bored. 2 month old's don't do much more than eat, sleep, mess up a diaper, repeat. Now, when I am away from One Philly Son, I feel like I am missing something truly important.

5) When I was pregnant, I worked very hard (especially at work), so that I could convince everyone, even myself, that nothing would change. I couldn't have been more wrong. In the future, I would take even better care of myself and be less concerned with other's opinions of me.

6) A happy house and family are more important than a fancy or even a clean house.

Baby in Mexico

Ok, in a little more than 2 weeks we are headed to Mexico for a family vacation. With One Philly Son.

Originally I had some apprehension about traveling to a foreign country with a 15 month old in my lap, but now I am super-duper pumped.

One Philly Daddy and I have been to Mexico almost every year since we started dating (we skipped the year we were saving for our wedding, a worthy cause for sure!) and sometimes sneak in 2 visits a year. Our favorite is Playa del Carmen .

Its a little less tourist-y than Cancun, and the crowd is a little more mature, if you know what I mean....(our first trip was to Blue Bay Getaway, an adults only resort. Fun, but eventually we decided we wanted to witness Mexican culture, cuisine, locals, art, history,etc instead of just, you know, horny travelers.

Anyway, this trip we're going the All-Inclusive route, which seemed to be cost effective, and simple, since we're traveling with a child.

The resort we're going to sounds AMAZING! The beach gets the greatest reviews, and since One Philly Son is all about waves and is going to love it. Some of our concerns about the timing of the trip were One Philly Son's eating habits and walking ability, but like most things in life, its all working out beautifully.

He looks at me like I'm ridiculous if I cut up his banana in small slices (and then quartered to be safe), so now I just give him a chunk of banana and he does great. He can also handle sliced cheese (even Sharp Cheddar, go figure) and assorted other things.

Today we went to Trader Joe's and they have kid-sized grocery carts. I decided he wasn't "ready", but in the course of grabbing only a few things, he wanted to get out of the seat in the big cart, and did in fact end up pushing the big cart around the store (much to the amusement of the other shoppers).

So Mexico, here we come! Baby and all!

Now that I'm a mommy (and loving it!),something peculiar is happening to my body.

My arms, biceps specifically, are strong, tight, maybe even big! And I don't lift! Oh, wait, there is that 22lb squirming bundle of love that I lift, press, dance, swing,and otherwise lug around...I guess that counts!

The belly, however, is getting rounder and softer by the moment. I still fit in my clothes and I've never had "abs" but toned is NOT a word I'd use!

The good and bad news is I'm not really fretting too much. Yes, I know I should be excercising more and eating better. I even want too. But my favorite method of self-motivation used to be self-trashing along the lines of "you are so fat" (I wasn't, I was just mean.) or something along those lines...

So, I'm hunting for a new form of self-motivation. I'm aiming to teach my
kid healthy habits that include excercise, vegetables, AND NO self-trashing!!!

Dancing with the Devil

This weekend I attended my cousin's wedding.

On the surface that seems like a pretty simple thing, but she is my father's sister's daughter. While my father's family remained amazingly present and generous in my life following my parent's 4 year acrimonious divorce, I have had only limited contact with my father since I was 12. (that means I've not talked to him for longer than he was in my life, by a long shot)

His influence on my life was pretty twisted and unhealthy, so I expected to feel anxious, nervous, perhaps even afraid when actually in the same room with him. My strongest feeling was that under no circumstances would One Philly Son be in the same room as my father, but beyond that I wasn't experiencing much stress or worry leading up to the wedding.

Once at the wedding, it became apparent that my father is old, tired and rung out by life. He appeared to be tired, afraid and unhappy.

Breaking the cycles of abuse, undiagnosed and untreated mental illness and poor emotional coping skills takes a lot of crying, work, soul searching and facing the ugliest truths.

I am proud and honored to know many people who have taken that journey and aided me on mine.

What I faced when looking at my father was a man losing that fight, not a monster who could terrorize. What I saw was a man run by his demons instead of facing them. What I saw frightened me because it is only by the grace of something much larger than myself that I do not look like him. Sad and dead in the eyes, with fear and lonliness.

He and his current wife and children only lasted a short time through the reception. My heart breaks for how that family felt that night. Family members told me he doesn't talk to anyone but his sister (who is a truly amazing person).

I thought I might feel fear or anger even, but I felt pity, relief (that my path went a different way) and compassion.
His actions make it impossible, senseless, unhealthy and dangerous to my well being for me to interact with him, but as a fellow human observer, I know he is in pain and unhappy. And I wish his journey was different.

Well, its official, we have a walker!

One Philly Son started walking last week, to the complete delight to his father and I. He's not proficient as of yet, but it is THE coolest thing to glance over and see One Philly Son standing, completely on his own, in front of his Fridge Farm. Or to see him turn from the couch and walk to the table to get his chalk or car or chase the dogs.

We've said before that he's not a "baby" anymore, but a "kid" or "toddler."

It is true what they say, that time goes fast, so fast and too fast when watching your child grow up.

I just did something a little out of character.

First, let me set the scene...One Philly Son is playing with his activity table, one of those with the play telephone. And he is SCREAMING. He's frustrated because he can't get the phone to his ear, because the string is too short. (I realize a longer string would be a hazard to young kids, but it was really ticking off my kid!)

I'm generally a "change yourself to life's circumstances" kind of person, but I am beginning to see the value of changing life to fit your needs.

So I did the first thing that came to mind.

I cut the damn string!

One Philly Son is loving his toy and for some reason I am feeling a bit freer today.

It is recommended to wean a child off the bottle and to sippy cups at a year. Prolonged use of bottles can lead to cavities and tooth decay.

But One Philly Son, at a whopping 13 months, is still using his bottles, in addition to sippy cups. I mentioned this to a fellow Mommy recently and she said "you just have to put them away, get rid of them"

How wise, how simple!

And it occurred to me that this is probably good advice in many of life's situations. Of course we've all heard varying forms, but I guess I just needed to hear it one more time.

So today, One Philly Son and I took a trip to BsbiesRUs and bought 8 sippy cups, as well as a Gerber suction plate and utensil set, a pumpkin sweatshirt, and training toothpaste. Luckily Sesame Street (and some other) sippy cups were buy one get one half off. Also good was the gift cards we'd recieved for One Philly Son's birthday...

I've boxed what bottles are clean and rearranged the kitchen cabinets yet again. I remember arranging these cabinets when it was just One Philly Daddy and I. I remember packing up
frivolous things like our wine, margarita and pilsner glasses to make room for bottles. And someday soon I'll need to move something out to make room for something else.

Learning not to compare at storytime...

I recently attended Storytime at my local library.

(Sidenote: Many, if not most or all libraries offer free story times for various age groups. If you are a stay-at-home-Mom/Dad or just have some time during the day - I've found they are scheduled on weekdays most of the time - its a worthwhile experience.)

Storytime is great. My local library coordinates it by age, so One Philly Son is in a group with children his age, doing activities that are appropriate (read: short and exciting - you know, anything to keep their attention) for his age group.

And while I was there it dawned on me #1 how easy it is to get into the game of comparing our kids, ourselves, etc #2 how dangerous comparing can be, and  #3 how pointless comparing is.

I saw a Mom and Son at storytime who I'd run into in the past. And immediately began the mental checklist. Her son is taller, more verbal, and walking. Heck, he even has more teeth and hair than One Philly Son. Geez! So I immediately switch to the is she working or staying at home? line of thinking. Maybe because she's home she has more time/money to talk/teach/sing up for classes/whatever with her son? And that's why he's, what, taller?

What exactly was I trying to figure out?

So it became pretty clear to me pretty quickly that this sort of comparison is silly and pointless. I know nothing more about her than her son's name and his approximate age. I have no idea where she's from, whether she works or stays home, if she's married, where she lives, how she lives, etc, etc, etc.

So what the heck am I doing trying to figure out if she's better than me or if I'm better than her? Cause really, what other reason is there to compare all that stuff? Clothes, car, house - who's is bigger or nicer? Husband, kids, dogs - who's are better looking and better behaved? Body, hair, face - who's is skinnier and prettier?

Well, I'm gonna tell ya, none of that s**t matters! Because, as we all know, none of that is what's important!

What do you think of your life? Not as it compares to someone else's, just yours. It may be interesting to compare to the dreams you had for your life, or what you're striving for your life to be, as sort of an interesting comparison. But really, no comparison makes sense. Because it'll never be apples to apples, you'll always be comparing your bruised apples to your perception of someone else's perfect oranges. (or vice versa, but you get the idea)

So today, don't worry about how you stack up to someone else.

Adventures in working from home...

Since I work from home three days a week (lucky me!), One Philly Son is quite accustomed to laptops, files, papers and the like.

In fact, when I pull out my laptop in the morning, he squeals with delight. The changing colors of the start up process are just about the most amusing thing he's ever seen. Emails are also exciting, even though I know he wishes I'd just let him have it on the mouse and keyboard. But seeing as they are the property of my employer and not my personal equipment, I don't think that's going to happen (even though I'm sure they have an insurance policy for this kind of thing).

He also loves pulling pens out of my bag, which gives me visions (or nightmares) of Emergency Room visits with injured eyes, so I try to keep the pens out of reach.

But today, he discovered the small pocket holding my business cards. These small, perfect one-year-old-hand-sized pieces of thick paper were thrown, tossed, bent, folded, pulled and pushed in and out of my bag. Such joy!

Which of course means my business cards are now a pile of crumbled, but well loved, pieces of paper. Since there is a merger in process at work, I imagine these business cards will be soon obsolete, as we order all new supplies with our new and improved name.

I still think we got our money's worth out of my supply!

Passing time....

The weather is turning decidedly Fall, which is a nice respite after a Summer of 95 degree days, phew!

The changing seasons are a great reminder of the passage of time, and time certainly flies once you have kids.

I just busted out the next size of baby clothes (which I don't think I can legitimately call "baby" clothes anymore. Toddler, little man, kid, not-yet-verbal-but-definitely-has-his-own-mind-person yes. "Baby" - no) and I can't help but think that just one year ago One Philly Son was barely holding up his own head.

Now he's crawling, nearly walking, feeding himself real food, chasing the dogs around the house and certainly becoming his own person.

Everyone says time goes too fast with kids, that you never have enough time, that they grow up so fast. And this is one in a long line of things that I agreed with and understood but also had no comprehension of until I actually lived through it.

I'm not being emotional or sentimental, but realistic and honest when I say that in "no" time at all One Philly Son will be headed to pre-school, school, middle school, and on and on and on.

The time that I have with this perfect little being is short, so short, and I intend to make the best of every minute we've got.

Motivation

Or lack there of...

So I haven't been terribly motivated lately. The yard needs weeding and raking. The floors need sweeping and mopping. 4 baskets of laundry need putting away.

And honestly, I don't care.

Awesomely One Philly Daddy is supportive of this lack of motivation. I often wish he was more of a do-er, a do-it-yourself fix it guy like some of the husbands I see always tinkering or fixing. But I know I'm blessed not to have a husband that demands the house be a certain way or cleaned often or something like that.

So, I'm enjoying this really weird warm spell we're having (even though it might be a bit too warm. 90? In September? The end of September? Really?) and the lack of productivity.

I'm sure the urge to "do" will return and I'll be productive once again. Until then, I'll revel in my laziness.

Review of Cooperage

So it is almost already a week since we ate at Cooperage so I thought I should finally get around to letting you know how it went.
I really liked the atmosphere to start with. Water glasses are mason jars with handles, and your silverware will be rolled in a cloth napkin standing up in said mason jar. The plates remind me somehow of what you'd imagine the quintiscencial Southern Grandma would have. White but designed something along the lines of this,  but less elegant, more  country. Its the kind of laid back, don't-feel-like-you-have-to-be-on-your-best-behavoir place that I really like.

We were there for Restaurant week, so didn't really explore the full menu, but there were lots of options on the Restaurant week menu.

I started with Hushpuppies, which I'd never had before, but came served with blueberry spread which was really yummy. Then I had the Summer Berry Salad, which was just ok. But I love salads served with fruit, berries and nuts, so I might have high standards than some. My dinner was the Scallops which came with a yummy Sweet Pea sauce. My final course was the Peach Cobbler with Vanilla Ice Cream.

There are some spicy options on the menu, but I (who can't/doesn't/won't eat spicy food) was able to find plenty of non-spicy options to choose from, even on an abbreviated Restaurant Week menu.

My brother had the Gumbo, only complaint there is that they didn't bring a spoon. And while Gumbo is not a "soup", a spoon would've been nice. His girlfriend (who's just lovely!) ordered a dessert with chilli and chocolate, which was an interesting combination, but too interesting to really enjoy (chocolate is sacred to me, and again, I don't do spicy). One Philly Daddy is NOT a dessert person, but they were offering a cheese plate in the dessert tray, and One Phily Daddy IS a cheese person.

The cheese plate had 3 cheeses, and a server came to explain the different cheeses, where they were from, and the differences in their tastes and textures. One of the staff told us the guy who delivered the cheeses had worked at DiBruno Brothers, so I imagine he knows a lot about cheeses!

The service was good, the food was good, and the company was great!

I also learned about a blog, http://www.uwishunu.com/ with all kinds of information on events, happenings and restaurants in Philadelphia.

Check it all out!

Does meditation lead to a quiet mind?

So, in my quest to be Liz Gilbert (author of Eat Pray Love), I've started, um, meditating . I've loved yoga for years, so I guess meditation might be considered the next logical step...

OK, I've meditated like twice, but the concept fascinates me. My mind goes, not even kidding, a million miles a minute. Have you ever heard that you can't think of two things at once? Well, I can tell you that is bullsh*t, I can simultaneously worry about 5 or 6 things at once. On a good day! Some of them are realistic "did I turn off the stove?" sorts of questions and some of them are just plain ridiculous...

But I'm the first to admit, most of these worries are unfounded and unnecessary.

Its just that I've been doing it for so long, it got to be sort of a habit.

Like smoking or biting your nails. (Hey, I wonder if there's a patch or gum to help with worrying. Probably, but probably only in Europe because the FDA is still testing it...) But I've long since outgrown the usefulness of those constant what-ifs and worries.

I've heard from lots of people you'd never imagine meditating, that they do, and that it is awesome. Tough beer-swilling frat guys all the way to super Type-A's.

I'm not looking for a great Earth-shattering experience or to hear God's voice. Just a little quiet would do just fine, thank you very much. (Although, there are books to aid with Meditating to Attain a Healthy Body Weight, so there are lots of things meditation may help with...)

Oh, and Liz, if you're reading this, don't get freaked out, OK?

Restaurant Week in Philadelphia

Hey all you Philly-ites!

Its Restaurant Week! I love, love, love Restaurant Week. Some super great restaurants participate that otherwise I might not afford or have the guts to try...

For those of you who don't know, participating restaurants (find the list here) agree to offer a set menu for the fixed price of $35. They have to offer at least 3 courses, but some of the less expensive restaurants over 4 courses. New this year, some restaurants are also offering a lunch menu for $20.

Also new this year, instead of just one week, these fixed menus are available September 12-17 & 19-24. 

One Philly Daddy and I are taking the opportunity to meet up with my brother for a yummy dinner and night on the town at Cooperage....

So get out there and EAT!

Learning to be content where I am

Since One Philly Son was born, I've experienced ebbs and flows of satisfaction regarding my decision to work from home.

I've felt alternately stretched and pulled into being worker, Mom, wife, housekeeper all at once and also abundantly blessed.

It is difficult to be faced with the decision to answer this email or pick up your son. Its not easy to realize your baby is learning to play by himself, perhaps not because this is an innate skill of his, to be self-entertained, but rather because he has too, because you can't get down on the floor and play with him right now.

On the flip side, of course, I feel blessed to maintain my full earning level during these trying economic times. I know people who've been looking for a job (just something to pay the bills so they can stop raiding their retirement fund, these people are not waiting for the job or anything...), so I know how blessed I am to have an income, benefits, AND three days a week to work from home and be with my son. How dare I complain when so many have less?

In many ways, working from home is THE perfect set up. A combination of keeping your feet in the adult, professional, have-to-take-a-shower-and-brush-your-hair world and the my kid is my life, sit-on-the-floor-and-bang-on-pots-and-pans world.

I am so aware of how blessed and lucky I am, that I sometimes can not believe that I would have the audacity to question it.

Because I know at least 2 things to be true:
Number 1 - I am beyond blessed.

Number 2 - I am blessed with exactly what I asked for.

But I suppose it is human nature to fall into the grass-is-always-greener way of thinking. "If only this or that, then I'd be truly content and fulfilled."

I know as much as anyone that no external factor can determine happiness or satisfaction. That has to come from within. The goal is to be true to yourself, honest with your desires, and do what you can to achieve those desires. But the goal is also to be content with what you have, finding that balance of striving for more while being satisfied with what you have.

What a tough balance, right?

I know I'm not the only one to finally get just what I wanted, only to feel like maybe its not all I thought it would be after all. What "wishes" have you had granted, only to realize its a little different than you imagined?

How a cold inspires me to get back on track...

So I'm still sick...achy, sore throat, runny nose, exhausted....and therefore cranky.

Lucky for me One Philly Daddy has pretty thick skin, AND went out and purchased some NyQuil for me, so hopefully I can sleep tonight....

Also lucky for me One Philly Son is pretty easily entertained and consoled, so today when I was home and sick with him, he was pretty easy to take care of.

This is one of the challenges of parenthood. The never having a day off, even when you are sick. Even if Mom or Dad is sick, the kid(s) need to be fed, clothed, entertained, watched, taken care of. Its not like I can leave a one year old to fend for himself because I'm sick.

But my argument isn't going to be for the pain or challenge or stress of this responsibility. Instead, I'm happy to report this is probably only the second time I've been sick since One Philly Son's birth. Since I can't take a day off to just sit in bed, drink tea and watch horrible day-time TV, I'm going to try to focus on staying healthy and fit, rather than bemoaning the days I am sick.

My summer has been super busy so working out and eating well have not been a priority, but now that the schedule has slowed down a bit, its time to get back on track. Vegetables, fruit, yoga - its all coming back!

As soon as I can breathe through my nose, of course.....  ;)

Sick and tired of doctors and health insurance

I am sick. My throat has been scratchy for probably 2 weeks, but within the space of one month's time One Philly Son had pink eye, a yeast infection / diaper rash, AND a double ear infection, which I think/hope are all cleared up now. I don't think our day care was entirely joking when they said he couldn't get sick anymore...

So I guess it shouldn't be a surprise that I got sick.

Thursday I was not feeling well, so I went to the doctor, who diagnosed pink eye. My ear and throat complaints were deemed "not too bad" even though they seemed pretty annoying to me.

Since One Philly Son had pink eye, I was familiar with the prescribed drops, Vigamox, and their cost on my health insurance. $70 for a teeny-tiny bottle. I asked my doctor if there was a generic option, but since I wear contacts and the generic is not as effective, we decided to stick with the expensive prescription.

Today I woke up feeling terrible - sore throat, headache, aches, cough, tired. I hardly slept last night and needed to take a pain killer just to fall asleep.

So back to the doctor I went. Where I was told my throat still didn't look bad, but that I had nasal drip, so I would be treated for a sinus infection. Which is luckily treated with a $5 generic antibiotic.

One Philly Son's been to the doctor a few times for his various ailments and we have to go back for his one year shot boosters (one set of shots is not enough for some of his immunizations, poor kid) in the coming weeks.

I'm not asking for something for free, but it is quite annoying to go to the doctor, explain the symptoms and be sent home (our favorite was when we took One Philly Son to the doctor twice, only to be told it was viral, and he ended up needing medication only a few weeks later) not "sick enough", only to return, finally sick enough to be prescribed some medication. We are not the type to go to the doctor or pediatrician for the slightest thing, so I think we should be given the benefit of the doubt. If we say we are sick, we are indeed, sick.

I understand the need to make money and that, unfortunately, medicine is now a business. I think the reasons to be a doctor must've changed over the past 100 years from "I want to help people" to "I want to help people and make a lot of money" to "I like paying for malpractice insurance" to "I love paperwork and fighting with insurance companies".

Hopefully we're all on the mend, and hopefully One Philly Daddy doesn't end up with one of these ailments. I might just scream if I have to pay one more $30 co-pay for a 3 minute visit with a doctor or $70 for more eye drops.

Home decorating with kids

Pre-kid, I occasionally marveled at the homes of those with children.

I marveled at the toys everywhere. I marveled at how much these grown adults had shrunk their lives to accommodate the tiny people.

I've always loved kids and wanted them, so it was rarely a judgement of cleanliness or something along those lines, though occasionally I thought the sheer quantity of toys was a bit overdone.

I couldn't see myself transforming my house into the play land that I saw so many other's homes become.

And now that my son is just over a year, I get it.

The love for my son is the most unconditional, giving love I've ever experienced. I want him to feel safe, happy, excited, adored (within healthy reason), and that he belongs here.

So my house has become a toy land for One Philly Son.

We rearranged and got rid of furniture to make more room for his toys, hung signs on walls, purchased swings, slides and sandboxes. Wine glasses have been relocated to boxes in the basement to make room for bottles, sippy cups and colorful spoons. Our "office" has been moved to the cold basement.

Even though he's only a year, I'm already painfully aware that my time with my son is limited. One day he will grow up, move on, and move out. At which time, I can redecorate and put away picture books and singing Elmo's and bouncy seats. Until then, I'm content to have my son's toys and books outnumber my candles, picture frames and knick-knacks. I'll leave his birthday decorations hung up as long as he'll laugh at them, and until we get a house with more storage, most of my wine glasses will live out their days in the basement.

And all that seems like just the way it should be...

What changes did you make that you didn't understand pre-kid?

Eat Pray Love - the movie

Like many, many women I read and loved the book Eat Pray Love, so when the movie came out, I was eager to see it.

I love to read, and I love to see a book brought to life. I saw Stepmom, The Notebook, The Time Traveler's Wifeand The Da Vinci Code after reading them. I very firmly believe that the book must be read first, before seeing the movie. In almost every case, the book was much better than the movie, and it was better to read the story prior to seeing the movie.

So I went to see Eat Pray Love in the theater, and I loved it. It was true to the story and I highly recommend it! (I'm not going to ruin it for those of you who may not have read or seen it yet. But if you're a woman who's ever been conflicted about what/who you want to be when you grow up, had your heart broken or fallen in love, you'll find something to relate too...)

Visit to Sesame Place

I recently visited Sesame Place in Langhorne with One Philly Son, a friend of mine and her 1 year old.

I'd never been, but purchased a season pass. What I purchased was really a season pass for 2011, but it included the rest of the 2010 season. Children under 24 months are free, but everyone else costs $53 for one day (though there is currently a special, if you buy one day, you can get a second free, that you can use in either 2010 or 2011), and parking is $15. So I purchased a Season Pass (the Big Bird, I think) for $122 that gives me unlimited access for the rest of this season and next season, as well as parking. If we go twice between this year's remaining season and next year's, it will pay for itself.

Additionally season pass holders get additional benefits, like a 30% discount on all purchases in the park, and occasional days to bring a guest for free (there's one coming up September 11 and 12), so I think its well worth the investment. The whole One Philly Family is planning on going so One Philly Daddy can see what all the fuss is about!

On the day we were there, it was 95 degrees, but there are plenty of small wading pools for the kids and they had a great time. There were a lot of people there, but it seemed to be there was still room to move around, and get to the attractions.

But, I have to say the best part was when we got in line to meet Cookie Monster. The characters appear at intervals throughout the day and a non-character staff person moves the line along very quickly for kids to greet the characters. Everyone has plenty of time to hug and greet the character, so I don't want you to think the staff will rush your visit.

Even cooler - you can take all the pictures you want with your own camera with whatever characters you can manage to track down, so its really not a ploy to sell pictures. (They'll get plenty of your money. I did purchase a Gatorade at the park, and it cost me $4, so the least they can do is let us take pictures of Elmo and Cookie Monster without charging us.) They also have Sesame Street set up, so you can get pictures with your kids on the steps, or in a Fire Engine.

We got our picture with Cookie Monster, and One Philly Son went WILD! Squealing, shrieking, smiling - I swear he thought he was meeting THE Cookie Monster! He is a HUGE fan of Elmo, I'm not even sure he knows who Cookie Monster is, but he was definitely still star-struck!

Its a big park and One Philly Son is a little too young to last more than a few hours (he was asleep in his stroller before we made it to the car), which is another reason to invest in the Season Pass - when he's tired, we can leave without feeling like we're wasting money.

They also have special events - fireworks, shows, holiday celebrations.

If you're in the Langhorne area with young kids, it might be worth checking it out.

How finances affect the decision to be a Mom with a career or a stay-at-home Mom

I won't say the choice is to be a "working" Mom or a stay at home Mom, because, trust me, stay at home Mom's WORK!

This is something I've debated since before day one of motherhood, and lots of questions are taken into account.

One piece that enters my inner debate/conflict is my Mom's experience. I was 12 when my mother entered a new phase of life as a Single-Mom. She had 4 children and had not worked in 12 years. She had no degree. She had no training. She had little employment history. Because of my father's bi-polar disorder and associated erratic spending and behavior, there was no savings. To my knowledge, she did not have a savings, checking or credit card account in her name. I'm not entirely sure she was allowed to know much of the details of the family's financial life.

As a child, I'm not totally aware of all the details, but I do know my father gave my mother grocery money, but that it was often not enough. During some of his manic, spending sprees (he started a sail making business for sailboats in our urban, land locked city. I think I'd seen one sailboat that looked like it hadn't sailed in years in the whole city.) I'm not entirely sure there was money for groceries. I do know churches donated food to us occasionally, particularly around holidays.

When I was young, my parents declared bankruptcy, and I remember all sleeping in one bed during the winter to stay warm. I remember school lunches being whatever Mom could scrounge up. It was disgusting, but tuna on graham crackers was a staple. I guess it was pretty cheap. I remember the first time I had a sandwich at someones house and they put more than one piece of lunch meat on the bread. What riches!

None of that is supposed to sound "oh poor me!"

But it does provide a great deal of insight, I think, into the depth of the debate many, many parents (not just Mom's) go through in deciding how to structure their "new" family. (As in, not the one they came from.)

My husband and I are in a vastly, incredibly different situation in all ways from my family of origin - financially, mental health, respect, support, communication, age (my parents were 21 when they had me, we are in our 30's), life goals, etc, etc, etc....

But the experience of seeing my Mom without resources, without the ability to depend on herself financially when the situation required it, without the skills and experiences necessary to be savvy financially certainly impacts my thought process. I can not imagine how insurmountable life must've seemed to her.

So it makes sense that job = money = security for me. So it is taken into account for the decisions I make for my family and for myself.

Still, its only part of the equation. What things affect the decisions you make for your family?

Children are brave

I suppose it is a normal maternal instinct to protect one's child, but occassionally this instinct to protect can limit a child. Luckily for me, One Philly Daddy can be in tune for when I'm setting that safety limit just a bit too close to home.

We spent a weekend with family at the shore this summer - it was One Philly Son's (OPS) second trip to the beach, and we'd been to the pool a few times, so he was comfortable with water and sand. He stared, amazed at the seagulls and wondered at the waves. He was just beginning to walk while holding on to someone's hands and insisted on crawling toward the water.

One Phillly Daddy and I stood at the surf, letting OPS put his feet in the water. As a wave would approach I would pick him up, sure the waves would frighten him, as even the small ones would come up to his waist. Each time I picked him up he fussed a bit, confirming my suspicion that he was afraid of the waves.

Finally One Philly Daddy suggested I leave him standing on his own two feet when the wave came in.

And he loved it!

Laughing, mouth wide open in glee and amazement, he gloried in the waves.

I'm so proud of One Philly Son for how brave he is, for how unafraid he is of new things, things he'd never seen, things that should be huge and frightening and beyond his comprehension.

I'm also proud of One Philly Daddy and I - he for seeing our son's need and voicing how I was not meeting it, and myself for trusting One Philly Daddy and One Philly Son and allowing my 10 month old to stand on his own two feet in the crashing surf.

He loved it.

Safe Fun in the Sun with Baby

I find that I am more concerned with a lot of things now that I have a son. I'm more interested in eating healthy, providing a good example by the way I eat (I've never been a "bad" eater, but find myself uttering the word "vegetable" a lot more when One Philly Daddy and I are planning out our meals.), good sleeping habits, reading to my child, and on and on.

One of these areas is sun protection. I do work (full disclosure) for the American Cancer Society, so this is a topic that I have a heightened awareness of, but still feel its important.

In Parent's magazine there is a full article on safety in the sun, complete with dermatologist advice. The most important tips are to provide as much coverage from the sun, either through shade or swim shirts (a good idea is to buy a size larger for your child, as they tend to fit tight), use sunscreen and re-apply every half hour when in the water.

This is, of course, a far cry from when I was a child and routinely fell asleep in the sun without sunscreen, spending the night carefully propped up on cold washcloths and dousing myself in aloe.

Since we joined the pool AND had  beach trip already this summer (I know, lucky us!), I am being very careful to keep my son protected from the sun. We love Neutrogena's Baby Sunblock Stick because it makes it a breeze to apply to my son's face. For the top of his head (he pulls his hat off, and his hair is definitely not think enough to count as "shade" just yet!) we use the spray, even though it does make his hair crunchy.

Check out this list of other articles on Parents.com that might be interesting to you.

If there are any sunscreen products you love, let me know!

Traditions on family vacation

So we've recently returned from a Family Vacation to Wildwood, NJ, our favorite "local" family vacation destination.

My husband and I have gone there at least once a summer since the year we started dating, and plan to keep up the tradition for years and years to come. I've read family traditions are important for all kinds of reasons, and we have lots in Wildwood.

Every year we go, we get our photos taken in one of those photo booths, we go to Hassles for a friendly-but-competitive game of miniature golf, followed by a free ice cream for the winner (bought by the loser), we bike ride, we go to a Seafood dinner, we walk the "Boards" to play a few games and go on a few rides. 

Of course, some things were different this year. Our attention to the sun and suntan lotion was a bit higher than normal, and One Philly Son was decked out in a swim shirt, hat and confined to the shade most of the time. Nap time was not just a luxury of vacation, but a necessity, and our signal to wake up changed from our hungry bellies to our son's hungry belly.

We usually take our bikes, but this year, with all the extra stuff we had to cram in the car (pack 'n plays and the like), there wasn't room for our bikes. So we rented a great two-seater like this one, that had an infant seat attached to the back.

Of course, One Philly Daddy and I had a great time, and were very excited about all the "first" things we were able to share with One Philly Son. As is typical, I suppose, One Philly Son barely registered the events that were occurring around him. He fell asleep on the beach during his first visit there, on the bike during his first bike ride on the Boards, and gave us a peculiar "what's all the fuss about?" expression for a lot of the fuss we made.

Still, we had a great time, and I know that in a few years, when he's old enough to know that every summer we go to Wildwood and ride bikes, go to the photo booth, and play on the Beach, I know he'll be excited to see his "firsts."

Change in perspective..

And like the wind changes direction, so does my outlook...

Which can be good or bad. So the work situation I was lamenting yesterday, today seems like a blessing, heaven on earth, I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Isn't that funny how that can happen sometimes?

Today I attended on off site work meeting and got to work from home in the afternoon. Since this is normally a work from the office day it meant One Philly Son was at day care while I worked. Ironically, I found myself both amazed at how easy it was to focus and get things done, appreciating the relative peace and quiet and also missing him like crazy. I had to fight the urge to pick him up early, just to have him with me. How confusing motherhood can be!

For some reason the total lack of control I have over my work situation seems less horrific today, more manageable, just another of life's mysteries instead of the world on my shoulders.

So I'm going to run with this new sunny outlook for as long as it lasts. Which I'm guessing will be until the next resignation announcement....

Patience is a virtue

Every now and then I start to wonder about my life.

Am I happy with what's going on? Am I being true to myself? Am I shortchanging myself in anyway? Can I be proud of the life I am leading and the choices that I am making?

Currently these questions center around the issue of working and my family.

Do I want to work? Do I want to work full time? Do I want to work where I am working? Am I happy doing what I'm doing? How do I best provide for my family while taking care of myself?

Never mind that my current work-from-home schedule is what I dreamed for and worked very deliberately for, never mind that I am currently living what we planned for as the "best case scenario."

I'm sure it doesn't help that my professional life is in a bit of turmoil at the moment. Talks and water-cooler gossip about mergers, resignations and the like don't make for a fulfilling atmosphere.

It can be pretty hard to put your heart and soul into work when your work is filling you with uncertainty and doubt.

I think my real "problem" is not so much with whether or not I am happy with my situation, but with how long my current situation will last. The unknown is always a bit unsettling, particularly when you have no control over the unknown.

I'm a bit of a planner. I know what bills I'm paying with what paycheck through the end of the year. One Philly Daddy and I have been planning when to start trying for baby #2 for months now. And it's still months away. I've already started saving for One Philly Daddy's dream vacation to Las Vegas for his 40th birthday. Which is 6 years away. I debate the virtues of our school district, even though my son is not yet 9 months old.

But all I can do in this situation is keep going to work, and wait. (Quitting for the sole reason that I am stressed about what might or might not happen just seems silly.)

If you haven't guessed, I'm not all that patient!

So, I think I'll use the situation at work of not knowing what is going on as an exercise in letting life unfold, being open to what may came, and trusting that everything will be ok.

If I plan it right, I should be ok with this situation in no time at all!

My struggle with weight...

I ran into an old boyfriend recently who'd I'd once asked if he'd love me more if I weighed 10 lbs less.

Sadly, or to his credit, depending on your point of view I suppose, he said he could not answer because he didn't want to lie. We all know that means the answer was yes.

I'm also reading Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time by Valerie Bertinelli right now (my office sells used books for 25 cents in the lobby for fundraising, so its not like I went looking for it, but its a good train read), so I've been thinking about weight and its struggles.

Bertinelli talks of times when she was young and thought she was fat, talked about her self as fat, expected to be treated a certain way because she was fat, and then looking back on those photos and realizing she wasn't fat in her youth at all.

I think most of the girls I know thought of themselves as fat when they were young. God knows I did. Which is sort of hilarious looking back. I attended my senior prom with my then boyfriend, and then attended the prom my freshman year of college with a good friend who was going to be a priest and therefore didn't have a girlfriend. Since I was a year more worldly, I wore the same dress, not caring who saw and noticed. But it makes for an interesting comparison since the pose and the dress are the same.

The year I attended as a senior in high school I am straight as a stick on the side view. I did have a chest (thanks to my Polish Nana, we were never lacking in that department), but zero behind, hips or waist. Thank god for my chest, or I'd be built like a boy. By the next year there was a noticeable rear, though still not big by any means. That year I spent much less time comparing myself to all the thinner and more beautiful girls, and just had fun.  

But as I young girl, I think it is almost a rite of passage to be negative about your appearance and weight. I can't think of one of my young girl friends who thought she was ok just the way she was. And yet so many look back on those years as the time they looked the best.

I currently weigh what I weighed when I found out I was pregnant, even then my ideal was a few pounds lighter. I'm probably 5 lbs from my personal ideal and am considered to have a healthy weight. But when friends or co-workers compliment me and tell me I look good or thin or got "back into shape", I am quick to point out those last few pounds instead of just saying "thank you." Most of my new-Mommy friends respond in the same way.

My point in all of this is not whether any of us was fat or thin, but how distorted our thinking could be from reality. And my distortion did not go nearly so far as those who ended up with eating disorders, so I can't imagine the pressure they put on themselves. I think for some reason, we feel compelled to point out the pounds we haven't lost, instead of the ones we have (I did gain 40 lbs when I was pregnant, so being 5 lbs from my ideal should be something I'm proud of, not ashamed of).

Try to see yourself as you really are, not the distorted not-good-enough self, try to say "thank you" instead of "no I'm not" when someone points out something good about it.

I bet it feels a whole lot better.

By the way, you look great today.

Self awareness goes a long way

This morning I was walking from the train station to my office when I heard a driver yelling at someone who'd gotten in her way. This woman was smoking with one hand, gesturing with the other, and presumably driving with her knees.

As she swerved around the offending car (who I think had the right of way) I caught a glimpse of her license plate.

It read:

"Mean People Suck"

What does a "great day" mean to you?

I am currently having a great evening, though it might not seem great to all people.

I filled One Philly Son's bath tub extra high (don't worry, I was extra careful) in an effort to give him some practice for our summer pool plans. I wanted him to splash and laugh and have a good time. I wanted him to be comfortable in the water when we took him to the pool. And boy did we have fun! It took him a little extra time to be comfortable, but once he figured out what all this extra water could do, wow! We splashed, we laughed, we splashed some more. By the end of bath, he was laughing even when the water splashed right in his face. Who knows if this will actually lead to a positive pool experience for him, but at least we had fun tonight.

I guess the bath tired him out, because he fell asleep nearly 45 minutes early.

Since One Philly Daddy is out at Happy Hour with some friends (his idea of a great night), I am camped out in bed, with the laptop, a bag of microwave popcorn, the remote and some TIVO'd shows I wanted to catch up on. I'm sitting around in my robe, watching some sappy TV (right now Brothers and Sisters), eating not-good-for-me food.

Clearly, this is not something I can do every night, but this is good for me, rejuvenates me. Which is good because I've got a crazy busy weekend ahead of me!

But this is what a great day looks like for me!

Lessons learned by being married...

Marriage is a funny thing. By some standards marriage is only considered "successful" if it doesn't end in divorce. Which means you only really know if you've succeeded or failed at the end of the marriage, one way or another.

As a daughter of divorce, there were times in my life I assumed that I was somehow destined to fail, or at the very least, not be good at this thing called "Marriage". I'd read all the statistics (in this sense, all those Sociology and Psychology classes in college were terrifying. "I have a 7 in 10 chance of doing what?!?!?!") and sort of figured a successful marriage was about as likely to happen as me sprouting a tail and horns.

Which was very, very saddening for me. For many reasons. There was little I wanted more than a happy, healthy home, and to build that for children of mine. Some people dreamed of being a lawyer or a doctor. I wanted to join PTA and take my kids to soccer practice. I wanted a haven from the world, a place that felt free, relaxed, accepting and safe, even though I had no idea how to go about doing any of that.

I also have a bit of a stubborn streak (one of the many gifts passed on from my parents) and do not like being told what I can and can not do. So all those Sociology and Psychology books telling me it was "statistically unlikely" for me to have a succesful, happy marriage and raise happy well-adjusted children was like a big fat dare.

And I took that dare.

I've read all kinds of books on marriage, love, you name it: Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage (written by Elizabeth Gilbert, the witty, brutally honest author of Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia) and Surrendering to Marriage spring to mind.

I read novels, I read research papers, I read articles in magazines, I quizzed my friends, family, nearly strangers on the street. Just how do you go about this, what have you learned that I can borrow,  what should I do?

Now that I'm nearing my 3 year wedding anniversary, I'm relaxing into my role as "wife" a bit more. I'm not so certain every word out of my mouth is "the wrong" thing to say, or that every disagreement is something that needs to be examined and searched over for clues as to what it all means, what our future holds.

Of course, my husband has been a great help in this process. Not because he sits down with me and talks out his feelings or examines every nuanse of our life together with me (though sometimes he does.). Because, he shows me by example, this is how it is done.

"You can be scared or brave and make mistakes and be angry and be happy, and not know where life is going to take you, and I am going to be right here."

It is a staggering lesson, and one I might never fully comprehend, but it is quite possibly the coolest thing I've ever learned.

Brand new SAHM

So, SAHM means Stay at home Mom - there are secrets codes to this motherhood thing that I've had to learn - just like when I was on all the blogs and boards when I was planning my wedding. I had to learn MIL and DH and MOH (Mother-in-law, Darling Husband, and Maid of Honor, in case you were wondering.).


So today we got an announcement at work that a woman who's been with the organization for 13 years has decided to be a SAHM. She has two young children, but also has what I would call a "career" and is in middle management.


I had a host of reactions to this announcement:


Sadness: This person, though not in my immediate work universe, was someone I respected and liked, and I will miss her.

Empathy: I know that this decision could not have been easy for her. As far as I could tell she thrived at work and enjoyed her position, but also adored and loved her children.

Curiosity: Just how does that work, I mean logistically. Benefits, left over vacation time, loss of pay, loss of day care bill.....how does it work?

Jealousy: That she will be free to be the Mom, and Just The Mom. That she can gaze into her kids eyes everyday and enjoy every new and amazing discovery. That she can make cookies and read books and go to the park whenever she wants too.

Closely followed by:

Dread: At the thought of being Just The Mom, because of course that also means Chief Cleaner-Upper, Toddler-Follower-Arounder, Driver, Nurse, Cook, etc with no built in reason for getting up and showered and dressed, and out of the house. Even if just a few days a week.

Relief: For her. That at least she's come to a decision. I can relate in only the smallest way to the inner conflict that being a working Mom entails. (Since I don't have 2 kids and I get to be home with mine and work 3 out of 5 working days).

What I don't feel is disappointment that she gave up her career or that she didn't choose to continue to balance both working and being a mother.

I'm happy for her and hope that her choice brings her and her family peace and joy.

Best Summer Ever

We are getting ready for the Best Summer Ever!

At least I'm not building it up too much in my mind or anything...

Sunday we went to visit Mermaid Lake, and were pleased to find it doesn't have nearly as many rules as some of the other swim clubs we've looked at. Of course, there are always going to be rules whenever there's a group of people together. Unfortunately, plans need to be made to accommodate for the most irresponsible. But some of the clubs we looked into seemed like it'd be hard to have fun there were so many rules.

Mermaid's rules seemed to be common sense, but flexible. Things like swim diapers and no abandoning your child alone in the pool, not matter how big the floatie. So we're all signed up and ready for a summer of weekends at the pool!

The same weekend the pool opens we have plans for my birthday and Memorial Day with friends.

The first weekend in June we are headed to Wildwood, NJ, our favorite shore town, AND have tickets to a Phillies game.

And all that happens inside a 9 day period!

In other news, I discovered a fabulous thrift shop (and found somethings I've been looking for, for cheap! I wanted a punch bowl for my birthday "celebration" and found a nice glass one, with ladle and 12 cups for $6.00. Yes. $6. If you come to my house, be prepared to have some punch!), and our grass seed (planted the weekend of the stomach flu and stitches) is starting to sprout, and my stitches came out today! What a day! What a summer!

So, with only an ounce of hesitation and caution, we're dubbing this, the Best Summer Ever!

Sunday funday?

Well, we're (sadly) nearing the end of the weekend, which, like many of them, has gone way too fast.

As with many weekends, this weekend has been a combination of fun and work.

Saturday we went to PARX (previously Philadelphia Park) to sit in the picnic grove and watch the horse races. A few friends went with us and it was a fun day spent in the sun. Our son had a great time, although I think the heat did make his naps a bit uncomfortable. But for the most part, a fun, fun day.

Today we cleaned the house. Ick, right?! I'm on a "I hate cleaning" kick at the moment. Not that I ever liked it, but I was nearly manic in my weekend clean ups. Now, I just want to do it once and be done. Forever. Seriously.

On top of the daily/weekly chores like dishes, laundry and mopping the floors, I have a list of things I'd like to get done like: put away our winter coats - since we live in a lovely shoebox with no closets, we have a coat rack at the front door - functional but also in need of occassional clean-up maintenance. I also want to put some of our photo albums and other knick-knack stuff into storage, ideally before One Philly Son starts pulling things off shelves. Sometime in the near future we're going to need to child-proof cabinet doors, electrical sockets and staircases.

So, its not just the cleaning that irritates me, its that, even if I keep up with the "normal" cleaning, I am still behind.

Gloriously, One Philly Daddy helped enormously today. He did the bathroom and changed the sheets and washed our couch slip covers and took out trash. (And watered the grass which we hoping grows and fixed some parts of the fence that needed reinforcing. I know he's going to read this and if I miss anything that he did, he'll be sure to remind me. I think I got it all. But check out the comments below in case I missed anything...) The point being, he helped with some of the normal clean up chores, leaving some time for me to work on the "other list".

Of course, all of these lists are never ending, with more being added quicker than we can cross them off the list. Making it important to know when enough is enough, and its time to have some fun!

So, we're off to visit Mermaid Lake! Let the fun return!

"Mother Shock"

I recently finished reading "Mother Shock tales from the First Year and Beyond Loving Every (Other) Minute of It" by Andrea Buchanan.

It is essentially a collection of essays written by this woman during her journey into motherhood. She compares the process of becoming a mother to culture shock, the shock one feels when placed in a new and different environment. Culture shock is when you don't know the language, the traditions, the unspoken rules, the rhythm of a new place.

If you think about it, we all experience this whenever we start something new. Purchasing a home for the first time, starting a new job, moving to a new neighborhood, planning a wedding (oh, the lessons learned in that process!), entering a new phase of life, joining a new group.

So it makes sense that becoming a mother would involve some of the same milestones and experiences.

I really like the stories told in this book, because they are honest and familiar. The author tells of a fantasy she had when her daughter was first home - she dreamt she ran away. Not because she didn't love her husband or daughter or her life. I think it was because the sense that your freedom is "gone" can be somewhat daunting at first. While I didn't have a fantasy about running away, I did have some serious doubts about being a working from home Mom (WFHM - does that work?). I wasn't sure how to be all the me's at once, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to do what I was doing, even though I'd deliberately set up my professional life to allow the work from home schedule. It was scary, overwhelming and daunting, and I didn't always cope with grace.

But of course (and this happens after a little time in any new situation), now that I am 5 months into being a WFHM I feel (even on bad days) blessed, and lucky to be in my situation. I can't really imagine it much different now that I'm adjusted and used to life the way it is. I get to see my son 5 days a week. I get to keep my job. I get to keep earning an income, with no loss in earning. I get to get dressed up and be a grown up a few days a week. The remaining days, I (though I try not too, I can be lazy) can let my hair air dry and sit around in a sweat shirt. I can do "work" laundry once a month. I can cook dinner a few days a week, and have it on the table before 7pm. I am blessed. And I am lucky. But it didn't always feel that way.

Another reason I loved this book, is that she lived near Rittenhouse Square, and tells tales of meeting other new mothers in the Square, managing her new stroller through the city. Reading is a great way to get the imagination going, but I also love when I can read about a place I know. I can see her in the Square, pushing her stroller. It makes her story that much more real and concrete to me.

She tells stories of her daughter as a toddler, and I have the same reaction I did (and I think many of us do) whenever confronted with something new that I knew nothing about. I deny the complexity of the situation, discount her troubles as "not that bad", sure that I will be able to do "better." Luckily, I've been through this process to know that my reactions are wishful thinking, and part of the process.

If we really knew the complexities of the situation, probably fewer of us would actually have children. So, that "it's not so bad", and "but I'll be able to do better" stuff is not so much insulting to the person/mother going through it, as it is protection for the poor soul beginning the endeavor!

I enjoyed the book, found it a comforting, easy (not preachy) read. Check it out!

Big plans

So, since we didn't get the other house, and are planning to stay in our current house for a few more years to save up a larger down payment,we've got big plans for house improvements and work we want to do.

A partial list :

Seed and weed the yard
Install a storm door on the back door
Install balusters on the open staircase to the attice (before One Philly Son starts walking)
Organize and store off season clothes in the attic
Clean the basement
New couches (don't tell One Philly Daddy...)

Etc, etc, etc....

So the list goes on and on, and there are times I get caught up and want to get it all done in one weekend. There are lots of things I'd like to purchase to make our house more organized. A toy box with a lid(so the dog stops eating my son's toys), bins for attic and basement storage, again, etc, etc, etc.

But of course the body, nor the wallet will tolerate trying to accomplish all of those goals in one weekend. So I'm forced to be patient, prioritize and plan. The risk is of course, that my zeal will run out long before I've accomplished all on my list, so I'm going to give the slow and steady approach a shot. I bet I'm more fun to be around in the process!

We are chipping away at the list, and the house and yard are looking better and better everyday!

One CRANKY Philly Mommy!

Today is, unfortunately, one of those days when I'm ticked off even though nothing has gone wrong.

One Philly Son did have a huge blow out poopy diaper today, but otherwise was in a very playful and happy mood. He even took two fairly long naps.

I do have a marathon of a day tomorrow, due to an evening event at work, but everything seems to be in place and ready to go for the event. (Ok, I don't know what I'm wearing yet, and since there might not be anything clean and / or ironed, it might still be a pain in the neck. But, technically, I don't know that there's not something perfect to wear just waiting for me in the closet. So I can't really say that anything's "wrong." )

I've been more or less sticking to a plan to eat healthy, and One Philly Daddy is on a great healthy kick - eating right, working out (at least) once a day. But I'm stressed (for what, I'm not sure) so I'm fighting the urge to eat everything in the fridge.

We also started locking the kitty in the basement at night (with food, water and a newly cleaned litterbox), so we're all sleeping through the night again.

While I didn't get to clean this weekend due to my hand injury, the house is not in bad shape. Tonight we even did another two flower boxes for the front porch, put out stones in our back yard, and are keeping our fingers crossed that the seeds we planted this weekend, actually grow.

I'm working on plans to visit my sister and this weekend's weather is shaping up to be gorgeous, so hopefully we can visit Mermaid Lake, get some more yard work done, and fit in something fun....

So, I guess I just chalk it up to good old fashioned crackiness. It happens. Try as I might, I am not finding the positive or being grateful or any of that nonsense.

But, hey, tomorrow's another day!

Summer plans

Since we're not moving (the seller's realtor just let our realtor know that she is working directly with the sellers now, not the attorney's, "just in case" we were still interested...ha!), we have big, FUN plans for this summer.

We plan on joining Mermaid Lake, a fun swim club and picnic grove, where we also got married. It was a wonderful, fun, light hearted day and I am looking forward to even the prospect of being able to go back to where our life together "officially" started. If my son were older, I know it would blow his mind to be swimming where Mommy and Daddy got married. (And yes, we went swimming on our wedding day. It was, in a word, fabulous!)

We also plan to go to Wildwood, our favorite place to go "down the shore". We'll eat Mack's Pizza, play mini-golf at Hassel's and probably eat too much. We've gone to Wildwood every summer since we've been together, and its exciting to share what has become our tradition with our son. For every year we've been we have one of those black and white photo strips, and can't wait to get our first with the "new" family.

I hope to visit my sister and her husband, who are in the Army and stationed "close" by Army standards - in upstate New York (practically Canada). Since my brother-in-law has been deployed, it will be especially important to see him and let him spend some quality time with his new-ish nephew.

The summer also has all of our birthday's, our wedding anniversary, as well as One Philly Daddy's parent's 40th Wedding Anniversary.

Summer's for us are always busy, busy, busy, but also such a celebration of some really great things in our lives!