Stuck on a hamster wheel, but only temporarily...

I've made a decision. I'm excited, nervous, and eager for the changes this decision will bring.

But I'm not ready to execute. Well, that's not true. I'm ready to execute. But its not time yet. Responsibility, logic and my head are all 100% on the side of waiting a little longer.

But I spent a long time being a list making, a "right" decision maker. I did the right thing, the smart thing, the thing that made sense on paper, added up to the smart thing. And then my life took a serious nose dive. Fiancee dumped me. Serious health problems for my brother. Serious legal and family problems for my sister. Trauma to my niece. Got fired. In like 18 months. No job, alone, scared for those I loved.

And I decided (realized, learned, whatever) with the help of some serious soul searching and hours of heart to hearts with good friends, that life is not lived on paper. The smart thing on paper is not what's really right, and the gut (however flawed and imprecise) is sometimes smarter than the brain.

So I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that my gut and heart are behind this decision. I'm not questioning that. But the brain is pulling in the reins a little bit. And that is creating some frustration. I feel like I'm denying myself my heart's desire. And I know the heart does not like to be denied.

The frustration (unfortunately for One Philly Daddy, who gets the brunt of it) leads to crankiness and eating a little too much Halloween candy. But its also very reassuring. There's no confusion or doubt here. I know what I want. And I'm going to get it. And that will be great.