Learning to be content where I am

Since One Philly Son was born, I've experienced ebbs and flows of satisfaction regarding my decision to work from home.

I've felt alternately stretched and pulled into being worker, Mom, wife, housekeeper all at once and also abundantly blessed.

It is difficult to be faced with the decision to answer this email or pick up your son. Its not easy to realize your baby is learning to play by himself, perhaps not because this is an innate skill of his, to be self-entertained, but rather because he has too, because you can't get down on the floor and play with him right now.

On the flip side, of course, I feel blessed to maintain my full earning level during these trying economic times. I know people who've been looking for a job (just something to pay the bills so they can stop raiding their retirement fund, these people are not waiting for the job or anything...), so I know how blessed I am to have an income, benefits, AND three days a week to work from home and be with my son. How dare I complain when so many have less?

In many ways, working from home is THE perfect set up. A combination of keeping your feet in the adult, professional, have-to-take-a-shower-and-brush-your-hair world and the my kid is my life, sit-on-the-floor-and-bang-on-pots-and-pans world.

I am so aware of how blessed and lucky I am, that I sometimes can not believe that I would have the audacity to question it.

Because I know at least 2 things to be true:
Number 1 - I am beyond blessed.

Number 2 - I am blessed with exactly what I asked for.

But I suppose it is human nature to fall into the grass-is-always-greener way of thinking. "If only this or that, then I'd be truly content and fulfilled."

I know as much as anyone that no external factor can determine happiness or satisfaction. That has to come from within. The goal is to be true to yourself, honest with your desires, and do what you can to achieve those desires. But the goal is also to be content with what you have, finding that balance of striving for more while being satisfied with what you have.

What a tough balance, right?

I know I'm not the only one to finally get just what I wanted, only to feel like maybe its not all I thought it would be after all. What "wishes" have you had granted, only to realize its a little different than you imagined?

How a cold inspires me to get back on track...

So I'm still sick...achy, sore throat, runny nose, exhausted....and therefore cranky.

Lucky for me One Philly Daddy has pretty thick skin, AND went out and purchased some NyQuil for me, so hopefully I can sleep tonight....

Also lucky for me One Philly Son is pretty easily entertained and consoled, so today when I was home and sick with him, he was pretty easy to take care of.

This is one of the challenges of parenthood. The never having a day off, even when you are sick. Even if Mom or Dad is sick, the kid(s) need to be fed, clothed, entertained, watched, taken care of. Its not like I can leave a one year old to fend for himself because I'm sick.

But my argument isn't going to be for the pain or challenge or stress of this responsibility. Instead, I'm happy to report this is probably only the second time I've been sick since One Philly Son's birth. Since I can't take a day off to just sit in bed, drink tea and watch horrible day-time TV, I'm going to try to focus on staying healthy and fit, rather than bemoaning the days I am sick.

My summer has been super busy so working out and eating well have not been a priority, but now that the schedule has slowed down a bit, its time to get back on track. Vegetables, fruit, yoga - its all coming back!

As soon as I can breathe through my nose, of course.....  ;)

Sick and tired of doctors and health insurance

I am sick. My throat has been scratchy for probably 2 weeks, but within the space of one month's time One Philly Son had pink eye, a yeast infection / diaper rash, AND a double ear infection, which I think/hope are all cleared up now. I don't think our day care was entirely joking when they said he couldn't get sick anymore...

So I guess it shouldn't be a surprise that I got sick.

Thursday I was not feeling well, so I went to the doctor, who diagnosed pink eye. My ear and throat complaints were deemed "not too bad" even though they seemed pretty annoying to me.

Since One Philly Son had pink eye, I was familiar with the prescribed drops, Vigamox, and their cost on my health insurance. $70 for a teeny-tiny bottle. I asked my doctor if there was a generic option, but since I wear contacts and the generic is not as effective, we decided to stick with the expensive prescription.

Today I woke up feeling terrible - sore throat, headache, aches, cough, tired. I hardly slept last night and needed to take a pain killer just to fall asleep.

So back to the doctor I went. Where I was told my throat still didn't look bad, but that I had nasal drip, so I would be treated for a sinus infection. Which is luckily treated with a $5 generic antibiotic.

One Philly Son's been to the doctor a few times for his various ailments and we have to go back for his one year shot boosters (one set of shots is not enough for some of his immunizations, poor kid) in the coming weeks.

I'm not asking for something for free, but it is quite annoying to go to the doctor, explain the symptoms and be sent home (our favorite was when we took One Philly Son to the doctor twice, only to be told it was viral, and he ended up needing medication only a few weeks later) not "sick enough", only to return, finally sick enough to be prescribed some medication. We are not the type to go to the doctor or pediatrician for the slightest thing, so I think we should be given the benefit of the doubt. If we say we are sick, we are indeed, sick.

I understand the need to make money and that, unfortunately, medicine is now a business. I think the reasons to be a doctor must've changed over the past 100 years from "I want to help people" to "I want to help people and make a lot of money" to "I like paying for malpractice insurance" to "I love paperwork and fighting with insurance companies".

Hopefully we're all on the mend, and hopefully One Philly Daddy doesn't end up with one of these ailments. I might just scream if I have to pay one more $30 co-pay for a 3 minute visit with a doctor or $70 for more eye drops.

Home decorating with kids

Pre-kid, I occasionally marveled at the homes of those with children.

I marveled at the toys everywhere. I marveled at how much these grown adults had shrunk their lives to accommodate the tiny people.

I've always loved kids and wanted them, so it was rarely a judgement of cleanliness or something along those lines, though occasionally I thought the sheer quantity of toys was a bit overdone.

I couldn't see myself transforming my house into the play land that I saw so many other's homes become.

And now that my son is just over a year, I get it.

The love for my son is the most unconditional, giving love I've ever experienced. I want him to feel safe, happy, excited, adored (within healthy reason), and that he belongs here.

So my house has become a toy land for One Philly Son.

We rearranged and got rid of furniture to make more room for his toys, hung signs on walls, purchased swings, slides and sandboxes. Wine glasses have been relocated to boxes in the basement to make room for bottles, sippy cups and colorful spoons. Our "office" has been moved to the cold basement.

Even though he's only a year, I'm already painfully aware that my time with my son is limited. One day he will grow up, move on, and move out. At which time, I can redecorate and put away picture books and singing Elmo's and bouncy seats. Until then, I'm content to have my son's toys and books outnumber my candles, picture frames and knick-knacks. I'll leave his birthday decorations hung up as long as he'll laugh at them, and until we get a house with more storage, most of my wine glasses will live out their days in the basement.

And all that seems like just the way it should be...

What changes did you make that you didn't understand pre-kid?

Eat Pray Love - the movie

Like many, many women I read and loved the book Eat Pray Love, so when the movie came out, I was eager to see it.

I love to read, and I love to see a book brought to life. I saw Stepmom, The Notebook, The Time Traveler's Wifeand The Da Vinci Code after reading them. I very firmly believe that the book must be read first, before seeing the movie. In almost every case, the book was much better than the movie, and it was better to read the story prior to seeing the movie.

So I went to see Eat Pray Love in the theater, and I loved it. It was true to the story and I highly recommend it! (I'm not going to ruin it for those of you who may not have read or seen it yet. But if you're a woman who's ever been conflicted about what/who you want to be when you grow up, had your heart broken or fallen in love, you'll find something to relate too...)

Visit to Sesame Place

I recently visited Sesame Place in Langhorne with One Philly Son, a friend of mine and her 1 year old.

I'd never been, but purchased a season pass. What I purchased was really a season pass for 2011, but it included the rest of the 2010 season. Children under 24 months are free, but everyone else costs $53 for one day (though there is currently a special, if you buy one day, you can get a second free, that you can use in either 2010 or 2011), and parking is $15. So I purchased a Season Pass (the Big Bird, I think) for $122 that gives me unlimited access for the rest of this season and next season, as well as parking. If we go twice between this year's remaining season and next year's, it will pay for itself.

Additionally season pass holders get additional benefits, like a 30% discount on all purchases in the park, and occasional days to bring a guest for free (there's one coming up September 11 and 12), so I think its well worth the investment. The whole One Philly Family is planning on going so One Philly Daddy can see what all the fuss is about!

On the day we were there, it was 95 degrees, but there are plenty of small wading pools for the kids and they had a great time. There were a lot of people there, but it seemed to be there was still room to move around, and get to the attractions.

But, I have to say the best part was when we got in line to meet Cookie Monster. The characters appear at intervals throughout the day and a non-character staff person moves the line along very quickly for kids to greet the characters. Everyone has plenty of time to hug and greet the character, so I don't want you to think the staff will rush your visit.

Even cooler - you can take all the pictures you want with your own camera with whatever characters you can manage to track down, so its really not a ploy to sell pictures. (They'll get plenty of your money. I did purchase a Gatorade at the park, and it cost me $4, so the least they can do is let us take pictures of Elmo and Cookie Monster without charging us.) They also have Sesame Street set up, so you can get pictures with your kids on the steps, or in a Fire Engine.

We got our picture with Cookie Monster, and One Philly Son went WILD! Squealing, shrieking, smiling - I swear he thought he was meeting THE Cookie Monster! He is a HUGE fan of Elmo, I'm not even sure he knows who Cookie Monster is, but he was definitely still star-struck!

Its a big park and One Philly Son is a little too young to last more than a few hours (he was asleep in his stroller before we made it to the car), which is another reason to invest in the Season Pass - when he's tired, we can leave without feeling like we're wasting money.

They also have special events - fireworks, shows, holiday celebrations.

If you're in the Langhorne area with young kids, it might be worth checking it out.

How finances affect the decision to be a Mom with a career or a stay-at-home Mom

I won't say the choice is to be a "working" Mom or a stay at home Mom, because, trust me, stay at home Mom's WORK!

This is something I've debated since before day one of motherhood, and lots of questions are taken into account.

One piece that enters my inner debate/conflict is my Mom's experience. I was 12 when my mother entered a new phase of life as a Single-Mom. She had 4 children and had not worked in 12 years. She had no degree. She had no training. She had little employment history. Because of my father's bi-polar disorder and associated erratic spending and behavior, there was no savings. To my knowledge, she did not have a savings, checking or credit card account in her name. I'm not entirely sure she was allowed to know much of the details of the family's financial life.

As a child, I'm not totally aware of all the details, but I do know my father gave my mother grocery money, but that it was often not enough. During some of his manic, spending sprees (he started a sail making business for sailboats in our urban, land locked city. I think I'd seen one sailboat that looked like it hadn't sailed in years in the whole city.) I'm not entirely sure there was money for groceries. I do know churches donated food to us occasionally, particularly around holidays.

When I was young, my parents declared bankruptcy, and I remember all sleeping in one bed during the winter to stay warm. I remember school lunches being whatever Mom could scrounge up. It was disgusting, but tuna on graham crackers was a staple. I guess it was pretty cheap. I remember the first time I had a sandwich at someones house and they put more than one piece of lunch meat on the bread. What riches!

None of that is supposed to sound "oh poor me!"

But it does provide a great deal of insight, I think, into the depth of the debate many, many parents (not just Mom's) go through in deciding how to structure their "new" family. (As in, not the one they came from.)

My husband and I are in a vastly, incredibly different situation in all ways from my family of origin - financially, mental health, respect, support, communication, age (my parents were 21 when they had me, we are in our 30's), life goals, etc, etc, etc....

But the experience of seeing my Mom without resources, without the ability to depend on herself financially when the situation required it, without the skills and experiences necessary to be savvy financially certainly impacts my thought process. I can not imagine how insurmountable life must've seemed to her.

So it makes sense that job = money = security for me. So it is taken into account for the decisions I make for my family and for myself.

Still, its only part of the equation. What things affect the decisions you make for your family?

Children are brave

I suppose it is a normal maternal instinct to protect one's child, but occassionally this instinct to protect can limit a child. Luckily for me, One Philly Daddy can be in tune for when I'm setting that safety limit just a bit too close to home.

We spent a weekend with family at the shore this summer - it was One Philly Son's (OPS) second trip to the beach, and we'd been to the pool a few times, so he was comfortable with water and sand. He stared, amazed at the seagulls and wondered at the waves. He was just beginning to walk while holding on to someone's hands and insisted on crawling toward the water.

One Phillly Daddy and I stood at the surf, letting OPS put his feet in the water. As a wave would approach I would pick him up, sure the waves would frighten him, as even the small ones would come up to his waist. Each time I picked him up he fussed a bit, confirming my suspicion that he was afraid of the waves.

Finally One Philly Daddy suggested I leave him standing on his own two feet when the wave came in.

And he loved it!

Laughing, mouth wide open in glee and amazement, he gloried in the waves.

I'm so proud of One Philly Son for how brave he is, for how unafraid he is of new things, things he'd never seen, things that should be huge and frightening and beyond his comprehension.

I'm also proud of One Philly Daddy and I - he for seeing our son's need and voicing how I was not meeting it, and myself for trusting One Philly Daddy and One Philly Son and allowing my 10 month old to stand on his own two feet in the crashing surf.

He loved it.

Safe Fun in the Sun with Baby

I find that I am more concerned with a lot of things now that I have a son. I'm more interested in eating healthy, providing a good example by the way I eat (I've never been a "bad" eater, but find myself uttering the word "vegetable" a lot more when One Philly Daddy and I are planning out our meals.), good sleeping habits, reading to my child, and on and on.

One of these areas is sun protection. I do work (full disclosure) for the American Cancer Society, so this is a topic that I have a heightened awareness of, but still feel its important.

In Parent's magazine there is a full article on safety in the sun, complete with dermatologist advice. The most important tips are to provide as much coverage from the sun, either through shade or swim shirts (a good idea is to buy a size larger for your child, as they tend to fit tight), use sunscreen and re-apply every half hour when in the water.

This is, of course, a far cry from when I was a child and routinely fell asleep in the sun without sunscreen, spending the night carefully propped up on cold washcloths and dousing myself in aloe.

Since we joined the pool AND had  beach trip already this summer (I know, lucky us!), I am being very careful to keep my son protected from the sun. We love Neutrogena's Baby Sunblock Stick because it makes it a breeze to apply to my son's face. For the top of his head (he pulls his hat off, and his hair is definitely not think enough to count as "shade" just yet!) we use the spray, even though it does make his hair crunchy.

Check out this list of other articles on Parents.com that might be interesting to you.

If there are any sunscreen products you love, let me know!

Traditions on family vacation

So we've recently returned from a Family Vacation to Wildwood, NJ, our favorite "local" family vacation destination.

My husband and I have gone there at least once a summer since the year we started dating, and plan to keep up the tradition for years and years to come. I've read family traditions are important for all kinds of reasons, and we have lots in Wildwood.

Every year we go, we get our photos taken in one of those photo booths, we go to Hassles for a friendly-but-competitive game of miniature golf, followed by a free ice cream for the winner (bought by the loser), we bike ride, we go to a Seafood dinner, we walk the "Boards" to play a few games and go on a few rides. 

Of course, some things were different this year. Our attention to the sun and suntan lotion was a bit higher than normal, and One Philly Son was decked out in a swim shirt, hat and confined to the shade most of the time. Nap time was not just a luxury of vacation, but a necessity, and our signal to wake up changed from our hungry bellies to our son's hungry belly.

We usually take our bikes, but this year, with all the extra stuff we had to cram in the car (pack 'n plays and the like), there wasn't room for our bikes. So we rented a great two-seater like this one, that had an infant seat attached to the back.

Of course, One Philly Daddy and I had a great time, and were very excited about all the "first" things we were able to share with One Philly Son. As is typical, I suppose, One Philly Son barely registered the events that were occurring around him. He fell asleep on the beach during his first visit there, on the bike during his first bike ride on the Boards, and gave us a peculiar "what's all the fuss about?" expression for a lot of the fuss we made.

Still, we had a great time, and I know that in a few years, when he's old enough to know that every summer we go to Wildwood and ride bikes, go to the photo booth, and play on the Beach, I know he'll be excited to see his "firsts."

Change in perspective..

And like the wind changes direction, so does my outlook...

Which can be good or bad. So the work situation I was lamenting yesterday, today seems like a blessing, heaven on earth, I'm the luckiest girl in the world.

Isn't that funny how that can happen sometimes?

Today I attended on off site work meeting and got to work from home in the afternoon. Since this is normally a work from the office day it meant One Philly Son was at day care while I worked. Ironically, I found myself both amazed at how easy it was to focus and get things done, appreciating the relative peace and quiet and also missing him like crazy. I had to fight the urge to pick him up early, just to have him with me. How confusing motherhood can be!

For some reason the total lack of control I have over my work situation seems less horrific today, more manageable, just another of life's mysteries instead of the world on my shoulders.

So I'm going to run with this new sunny outlook for as long as it lasts. Which I'm guessing will be until the next resignation announcement....

Patience is a virtue

Every now and then I start to wonder about my life.

Am I happy with what's going on? Am I being true to myself? Am I shortchanging myself in anyway? Can I be proud of the life I am leading and the choices that I am making?

Currently these questions center around the issue of working and my family.

Do I want to work? Do I want to work full time? Do I want to work where I am working? Am I happy doing what I'm doing? How do I best provide for my family while taking care of myself?

Never mind that my current work-from-home schedule is what I dreamed for and worked very deliberately for, never mind that I am currently living what we planned for as the "best case scenario."

I'm sure it doesn't help that my professional life is in a bit of turmoil at the moment. Talks and water-cooler gossip about mergers, resignations and the like don't make for a fulfilling atmosphere.

It can be pretty hard to put your heart and soul into work when your work is filling you with uncertainty and doubt.

I think my real "problem" is not so much with whether or not I am happy with my situation, but with how long my current situation will last. The unknown is always a bit unsettling, particularly when you have no control over the unknown.

I'm a bit of a planner. I know what bills I'm paying with what paycheck through the end of the year. One Philly Daddy and I have been planning when to start trying for baby #2 for months now. And it's still months away. I've already started saving for One Philly Daddy's dream vacation to Las Vegas for his 40th birthday. Which is 6 years away. I debate the virtues of our school district, even though my son is not yet 9 months old.

But all I can do in this situation is keep going to work, and wait. (Quitting for the sole reason that I am stressed about what might or might not happen just seems silly.)

If you haven't guessed, I'm not all that patient!

So, I think I'll use the situation at work of not knowing what is going on as an exercise in letting life unfold, being open to what may came, and trusting that everything will be ok.

If I plan it right, I should be ok with this situation in no time at all!

My struggle with weight...

I ran into an old boyfriend recently who'd I'd once asked if he'd love me more if I weighed 10 lbs less.

Sadly, or to his credit, depending on your point of view I suppose, he said he could not answer because he didn't want to lie. We all know that means the answer was yes.

I'm also reading Losing It: And Gaining My Life Back One Pound at a Time by Valerie Bertinelli right now (my office sells used books for 25 cents in the lobby for fundraising, so its not like I went looking for it, but its a good train read), so I've been thinking about weight and its struggles.

Bertinelli talks of times when she was young and thought she was fat, talked about her self as fat, expected to be treated a certain way because she was fat, and then looking back on those photos and realizing she wasn't fat in her youth at all.

I think most of the girls I know thought of themselves as fat when they were young. God knows I did. Which is sort of hilarious looking back. I attended my senior prom with my then boyfriend, and then attended the prom my freshman year of college with a good friend who was going to be a priest and therefore didn't have a girlfriend. Since I was a year more worldly, I wore the same dress, not caring who saw and noticed. But it makes for an interesting comparison since the pose and the dress are the same.

The year I attended as a senior in high school I am straight as a stick on the side view. I did have a chest (thanks to my Polish Nana, we were never lacking in that department), but zero behind, hips or waist. Thank god for my chest, or I'd be built like a boy. By the next year there was a noticeable rear, though still not big by any means. That year I spent much less time comparing myself to all the thinner and more beautiful girls, and just had fun.  

But as I young girl, I think it is almost a rite of passage to be negative about your appearance and weight. I can't think of one of my young girl friends who thought she was ok just the way she was. And yet so many look back on those years as the time they looked the best.

I currently weigh what I weighed when I found out I was pregnant, even then my ideal was a few pounds lighter. I'm probably 5 lbs from my personal ideal and am considered to have a healthy weight. But when friends or co-workers compliment me and tell me I look good or thin or got "back into shape", I am quick to point out those last few pounds instead of just saying "thank you." Most of my new-Mommy friends respond in the same way.

My point in all of this is not whether any of us was fat or thin, but how distorted our thinking could be from reality. And my distortion did not go nearly so far as those who ended up with eating disorders, so I can't imagine the pressure they put on themselves. I think for some reason, we feel compelled to point out the pounds we haven't lost, instead of the ones we have (I did gain 40 lbs when I was pregnant, so being 5 lbs from my ideal should be something I'm proud of, not ashamed of).

Try to see yourself as you really are, not the distorted not-good-enough self, try to say "thank you" instead of "no I'm not" when someone points out something good about it.

I bet it feels a whole lot better.

By the way, you look great today.

Self awareness goes a long way

This morning I was walking from the train station to my office when I heard a driver yelling at someone who'd gotten in her way. This woman was smoking with one hand, gesturing with the other, and presumably driving with her knees.

As she swerved around the offending car (who I think had the right of way) I caught a glimpse of her license plate.

It read:

"Mean People Suck"

What does a "great day" mean to you?

I am currently having a great evening, though it might not seem great to all people.

I filled One Philly Son's bath tub extra high (don't worry, I was extra careful) in an effort to give him some practice for our summer pool plans. I wanted him to splash and laugh and have a good time. I wanted him to be comfortable in the water when we took him to the pool. And boy did we have fun! It took him a little extra time to be comfortable, but once he figured out what all this extra water could do, wow! We splashed, we laughed, we splashed some more. By the end of bath, he was laughing even when the water splashed right in his face. Who knows if this will actually lead to a positive pool experience for him, but at least we had fun tonight.

I guess the bath tired him out, because he fell asleep nearly 45 minutes early.

Since One Philly Daddy is out at Happy Hour with some friends (his idea of a great night), I am camped out in bed, with the laptop, a bag of microwave popcorn, the remote and some TIVO'd shows I wanted to catch up on. I'm sitting around in my robe, watching some sappy TV (right now Brothers and Sisters), eating not-good-for-me food.

Clearly, this is not something I can do every night, but this is good for me, rejuvenates me. Which is good because I've got a crazy busy weekend ahead of me!

But this is what a great day looks like for me!

Lessons learned by being married...

Marriage is a funny thing. By some standards marriage is only considered "successful" if it doesn't end in divorce. Which means you only really know if you've succeeded or failed at the end of the marriage, one way or another.

As a daughter of divorce, there were times in my life I assumed that I was somehow destined to fail, or at the very least, not be good at this thing called "Marriage". I'd read all the statistics (in this sense, all those Sociology and Psychology classes in college were terrifying. "I have a 7 in 10 chance of doing what?!?!?!") and sort of figured a successful marriage was about as likely to happen as me sprouting a tail and horns.

Which was very, very saddening for me. For many reasons. There was little I wanted more than a happy, healthy home, and to build that for children of mine. Some people dreamed of being a lawyer or a doctor. I wanted to join PTA and take my kids to soccer practice. I wanted a haven from the world, a place that felt free, relaxed, accepting and safe, even though I had no idea how to go about doing any of that.

I also have a bit of a stubborn streak (one of the many gifts passed on from my parents) and do not like being told what I can and can not do. So all those Sociology and Psychology books telling me it was "statistically unlikely" for me to have a succesful, happy marriage and raise happy well-adjusted children was like a big fat dare.

And I took that dare.

I've read all kinds of books on marriage, love, you name it: Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage (written by Elizabeth Gilbert, the witty, brutally honest author of Eat, Pray, Love: One Woman's Search for Everything Across Italy, India and Indonesia) and Surrendering to Marriage spring to mind.

I read novels, I read research papers, I read articles in magazines, I quizzed my friends, family, nearly strangers on the street. Just how do you go about this, what have you learned that I can borrow,  what should I do?

Now that I'm nearing my 3 year wedding anniversary, I'm relaxing into my role as "wife" a bit more. I'm not so certain every word out of my mouth is "the wrong" thing to say, or that every disagreement is something that needs to be examined and searched over for clues as to what it all means, what our future holds.

Of course, my husband has been a great help in this process. Not because he sits down with me and talks out his feelings or examines every nuanse of our life together with me (though sometimes he does.). Because, he shows me by example, this is how it is done.

"You can be scared or brave and make mistakes and be angry and be happy, and not know where life is going to take you, and I am going to be right here."

It is a staggering lesson, and one I might never fully comprehend, but it is quite possibly the coolest thing I've ever learned.

Brand new SAHM

So, SAHM means Stay at home Mom - there are secrets codes to this motherhood thing that I've had to learn - just like when I was on all the blogs and boards when I was planning my wedding. I had to learn MIL and DH and MOH (Mother-in-law, Darling Husband, and Maid of Honor, in case you were wondering.).


So today we got an announcement at work that a woman who's been with the organization for 13 years has decided to be a SAHM. She has two young children, but also has what I would call a "career" and is in middle management.


I had a host of reactions to this announcement:


Sadness: This person, though not in my immediate work universe, was someone I respected and liked, and I will miss her.

Empathy: I know that this decision could not have been easy for her. As far as I could tell she thrived at work and enjoyed her position, but also adored and loved her children.

Curiosity: Just how does that work, I mean logistically. Benefits, left over vacation time, loss of pay, loss of day care bill.....how does it work?

Jealousy: That she will be free to be the Mom, and Just The Mom. That she can gaze into her kids eyes everyday and enjoy every new and amazing discovery. That she can make cookies and read books and go to the park whenever she wants too.

Closely followed by:

Dread: At the thought of being Just The Mom, because of course that also means Chief Cleaner-Upper, Toddler-Follower-Arounder, Driver, Nurse, Cook, etc with no built in reason for getting up and showered and dressed, and out of the house. Even if just a few days a week.

Relief: For her. That at least she's come to a decision. I can relate in only the smallest way to the inner conflict that being a working Mom entails. (Since I don't have 2 kids and I get to be home with mine and work 3 out of 5 working days).

What I don't feel is disappointment that she gave up her career or that she didn't choose to continue to balance both working and being a mother.

I'm happy for her and hope that her choice brings her and her family peace and joy.

Best Summer Ever

We are getting ready for the Best Summer Ever!

At least I'm not building it up too much in my mind or anything...

Sunday we went to visit Mermaid Lake, and were pleased to find it doesn't have nearly as many rules as some of the other swim clubs we've looked at. Of course, there are always going to be rules whenever there's a group of people together. Unfortunately, plans need to be made to accommodate for the most irresponsible. But some of the clubs we looked into seemed like it'd be hard to have fun there were so many rules.

Mermaid's rules seemed to be common sense, but flexible. Things like swim diapers and no abandoning your child alone in the pool, not matter how big the floatie. So we're all signed up and ready for a summer of weekends at the pool!

The same weekend the pool opens we have plans for my birthday and Memorial Day with friends.

The first weekend in June we are headed to Wildwood, NJ, our favorite shore town, AND have tickets to a Phillies game.

And all that happens inside a 9 day period!

In other news, I discovered a fabulous thrift shop (and found somethings I've been looking for, for cheap! I wanted a punch bowl for my birthday "celebration" and found a nice glass one, with ladle and 12 cups for $6.00. Yes. $6. If you come to my house, be prepared to have some punch!), and our grass seed (planted the weekend of the stomach flu and stitches) is starting to sprout, and my stitches came out today! What a day! What a summer!

So, with only an ounce of hesitation and caution, we're dubbing this, the Best Summer Ever!

Sunday funday?

Well, we're (sadly) nearing the end of the weekend, which, like many of them, has gone way too fast.

As with many weekends, this weekend has been a combination of fun and work.

Saturday we went to PARX (previously Philadelphia Park) to sit in the picnic grove and watch the horse races. A few friends went with us and it was a fun day spent in the sun. Our son had a great time, although I think the heat did make his naps a bit uncomfortable. But for the most part, a fun, fun day.

Today we cleaned the house. Ick, right?! I'm on a "I hate cleaning" kick at the moment. Not that I ever liked it, but I was nearly manic in my weekend clean ups. Now, I just want to do it once and be done. Forever. Seriously.

On top of the daily/weekly chores like dishes, laundry and mopping the floors, I have a list of things I'd like to get done like: put away our winter coats - since we live in a lovely shoebox with no closets, we have a coat rack at the front door - functional but also in need of occassional clean-up maintenance. I also want to put some of our photo albums and other knick-knack stuff into storage, ideally before One Philly Son starts pulling things off shelves. Sometime in the near future we're going to need to child-proof cabinet doors, electrical sockets and staircases.

So, its not just the cleaning that irritates me, its that, even if I keep up with the "normal" cleaning, I am still behind.

Gloriously, One Philly Daddy helped enormously today. He did the bathroom and changed the sheets and washed our couch slip covers and took out trash. (And watered the grass which we hoping grows and fixed some parts of the fence that needed reinforcing. I know he's going to read this and if I miss anything that he did, he'll be sure to remind me. I think I got it all. But check out the comments below in case I missed anything...) The point being, he helped with some of the normal clean up chores, leaving some time for me to work on the "other list".

Of course, all of these lists are never ending, with more being added quicker than we can cross them off the list. Making it important to know when enough is enough, and its time to have some fun!

So, we're off to visit Mermaid Lake! Let the fun return!

"Mother Shock"

I recently finished reading "Mother Shock tales from the First Year and Beyond Loving Every (Other) Minute of It" by Andrea Buchanan.

It is essentially a collection of essays written by this woman during her journey into motherhood. She compares the process of becoming a mother to culture shock, the shock one feels when placed in a new and different environment. Culture shock is when you don't know the language, the traditions, the unspoken rules, the rhythm of a new place.

If you think about it, we all experience this whenever we start something new. Purchasing a home for the first time, starting a new job, moving to a new neighborhood, planning a wedding (oh, the lessons learned in that process!), entering a new phase of life, joining a new group.

So it makes sense that becoming a mother would involve some of the same milestones and experiences.

I really like the stories told in this book, because they are honest and familiar. The author tells of a fantasy she had when her daughter was first home - she dreamt she ran away. Not because she didn't love her husband or daughter or her life. I think it was because the sense that your freedom is "gone" can be somewhat daunting at first. While I didn't have a fantasy about running away, I did have some serious doubts about being a working from home Mom (WFHM - does that work?). I wasn't sure how to be all the me's at once, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to do what I was doing, even though I'd deliberately set up my professional life to allow the work from home schedule. It was scary, overwhelming and daunting, and I didn't always cope with grace.

But of course (and this happens after a little time in any new situation), now that I am 5 months into being a WFHM I feel (even on bad days) blessed, and lucky to be in my situation. I can't really imagine it much different now that I'm adjusted and used to life the way it is. I get to see my son 5 days a week. I get to keep my job. I get to keep earning an income, with no loss in earning. I get to get dressed up and be a grown up a few days a week. The remaining days, I (though I try not too, I can be lazy) can let my hair air dry and sit around in a sweat shirt. I can do "work" laundry once a month. I can cook dinner a few days a week, and have it on the table before 7pm. I am blessed. And I am lucky. But it didn't always feel that way.

Another reason I loved this book, is that she lived near Rittenhouse Square, and tells tales of meeting other new mothers in the Square, managing her new stroller through the city. Reading is a great way to get the imagination going, but I also love when I can read about a place I know. I can see her in the Square, pushing her stroller. It makes her story that much more real and concrete to me.

She tells stories of her daughter as a toddler, and I have the same reaction I did (and I think many of us do) whenever confronted with something new that I knew nothing about. I deny the complexity of the situation, discount her troubles as "not that bad", sure that I will be able to do "better." Luckily, I've been through this process to know that my reactions are wishful thinking, and part of the process.

If we really knew the complexities of the situation, probably fewer of us would actually have children. So, that "it's not so bad", and "but I'll be able to do better" stuff is not so much insulting to the person/mother going through it, as it is protection for the poor soul beginning the endeavor!

I enjoyed the book, found it a comforting, easy (not preachy) read. Check it out!

Big plans

So, since we didn't get the other house, and are planning to stay in our current house for a few more years to save up a larger down payment,we've got big plans for house improvements and work we want to do.

A partial list :

Seed and weed the yard
Install a storm door on the back door
Install balusters on the open staircase to the attice (before One Philly Son starts walking)
Organize and store off season clothes in the attic
Clean the basement
New couches (don't tell One Philly Daddy...)

Etc, etc, etc....

So the list goes on and on, and there are times I get caught up and want to get it all done in one weekend. There are lots of things I'd like to purchase to make our house more organized. A toy box with a lid(so the dog stops eating my son's toys), bins for attic and basement storage, again, etc, etc, etc.

But of course the body, nor the wallet will tolerate trying to accomplish all of those goals in one weekend. So I'm forced to be patient, prioritize and plan. The risk is of course, that my zeal will run out long before I've accomplished all on my list, so I'm going to give the slow and steady approach a shot. I bet I'm more fun to be around in the process!

We are chipping away at the list, and the house and yard are looking better and better everyday!

One CRANKY Philly Mommy!

Today is, unfortunately, one of those days when I'm ticked off even though nothing has gone wrong.

One Philly Son did have a huge blow out poopy diaper today, but otherwise was in a very playful and happy mood. He even took two fairly long naps.

I do have a marathon of a day tomorrow, due to an evening event at work, but everything seems to be in place and ready to go for the event. (Ok, I don't know what I'm wearing yet, and since there might not be anything clean and / or ironed, it might still be a pain in the neck. But, technically, I don't know that there's not something perfect to wear just waiting for me in the closet. So I can't really say that anything's "wrong." )

I've been more or less sticking to a plan to eat healthy, and One Philly Daddy is on a great healthy kick - eating right, working out (at least) once a day. But I'm stressed (for what, I'm not sure) so I'm fighting the urge to eat everything in the fridge.

We also started locking the kitty in the basement at night (with food, water and a newly cleaned litterbox), so we're all sleeping through the night again.

While I didn't get to clean this weekend due to my hand injury, the house is not in bad shape. Tonight we even did another two flower boxes for the front porch, put out stones in our back yard, and are keeping our fingers crossed that the seeds we planted this weekend, actually grow.

I'm working on plans to visit my sister and this weekend's weather is shaping up to be gorgeous, so hopefully we can visit Mermaid Lake, get some more yard work done, and fit in something fun....

So, I guess I just chalk it up to good old fashioned crackiness. It happens. Try as I might, I am not finding the positive or being grateful or any of that nonsense.

But, hey, tomorrow's another day!

Summer plans

Since we're not moving (the seller's realtor just let our realtor know that she is working directly with the sellers now, not the attorney's, "just in case" we were still interested...ha!), we have big, FUN plans for this summer.

We plan on joining Mermaid Lake, a fun swim club and picnic grove, where we also got married. It was a wonderful, fun, light hearted day and I am looking forward to even the prospect of being able to go back to where our life together "officially" started. If my son were older, I know it would blow his mind to be swimming where Mommy and Daddy got married. (And yes, we went swimming on our wedding day. It was, in a word, fabulous!)

We also plan to go to Wildwood, our favorite place to go "down the shore". We'll eat Mack's Pizza, play mini-golf at Hassel's and probably eat too much. We've gone to Wildwood every summer since we've been together, and its exciting to share what has become our tradition with our son. For every year we've been we have one of those black and white photo strips, and can't wait to get our first with the "new" family.

I hope to visit my sister and her husband, who are in the Army and stationed "close" by Army standards - in upstate New York (practically Canada). Since my brother-in-law has been deployed, it will be especially important to see him and let him spend some quality time with his new-ish nephew.

The summer also has all of our birthday's, our wedding anniversary, as well as One Philly Daddy's parent's 40th Wedding Anniversary.

Summer's for us are always busy, busy, busy, but also such a celebration of some really great things in our lives!

Life...out of control

First, let me say, thank you to all my readers out there.

Second, let me say, sorry I haven't been around in a few days.

The past few days have been a good excercise in accepting that life is not in my control. Gasp!

Work has been busy, and crazy, but that's just the way it is right now, so no need to go into details on that one.

Thursday I had a meeting in Malvern and started to feel not-so-great on the way home. By Thursday evening I was running a fever and woke up sweating a few times during the night. By Friday One Philly Daddy and I were sure we had a stomach flu and spent most of the day dashing to the bathroom. I was happy to be working from home that day, as I was still certainly able to work, but would not have been able to make it TO work. (My fellow SEPTA commuters would not have appreciated me on the train that day.)

Saturday, we were still not feeling well, but managed to get ourselves out of bed long enough to break up the soil in our yard and get some much needed grass seed planted in the yard. Afterwards, we returned to bed, and continued our rest.

Sunday, we woke up feeling better and decided to be ambitious. One Philly Daddy went to lift in our basement, and I had big plans to clean the house. Since we were sick, I wanted to change sheets, do laundry, clean the bathroom, disinfect door knobs.

Less than 10 minutes into our big plans, I was cleaning in the kitchen, and one of our metal backsplash tiles fell and cut my finger. I've never had stitches before, but it was obvious to me that this cut would require them. So One Philly Daddy rushed into action, called his parent's to babysit and drove me to the hospital.

Where of course we sat on and off alone for 4 hours before I got stitched up. Of course the staff at the hospital were helpful and took good care of me. But a bloody finger probably doesn't warrant much attention in the Emergency Room.

Part of me wanted (and to be honest, still wants to) to be super upset that things didn't work out the way I planned. Part of me wanted to rush home from the hospital and do everything I'd wanted to do, to prove that nothing would stop me.

But I've learned enough to know that it really wouldn't make me feel any better, and in fact would negatively impact my ability to heal and handle life as it came.

So, One Philly Daddy went to the grocery store since we were totally out of baby food. He also did a load of my laundry. And fed the baby.

I rested, took my super strength Ibuprofen and rested.

Which I didn't love, but I've realized something. The difference between the people I know who are happy and the people who are miserable is NOT the amount of money, size of the house, helpfulness of their husband, how far up they are at work, how helpful their mother is, how fun their friends are.

Certainly, a lot of those things can increase or decrease one's happiness. But mostly its the person's attitude. I know people with a lot less than I have, who are happier, more generous, more peace-ful (as in full of peace) than I am. So its not the stuff, its not the title, its not the money. Its how you/I think about it.

So instead of being upset or feeling inadequate because I haven't changed the sheets, I decided to be grateful that my healthy is still pretty much intact, that I have the help I need to take care of myself and make sure my hand heals, that I have the kind of job that gives me decent healthcare, and that I can still work, even after I've hurt myself.

And so far, it seems to have worked!

My finger is ok, didn't throb nearly as much as I thought it might, and I worked all day without it bothering me too much.

Life may be way out of my control, but I'm not!

Taking care of all of "me's"

Today I will be enjoying a mix of experiences. I'll get to be the worker, mommy, friend, and wife today. Which of course I am everyday, but somedays some of those "me's" don't get a lot of attention.

This morning I worked from home, which is working out to be such a blessing. I can spend time with my son, who is luckily a very easy child. I can focus on work. And since I don't have to commute, I get an extra 2 hours in my day. Which means this morning I managed to squeeze in 15 whole minutes of yoga before my son woke up. Still, that's 15 minutes I wouldn't have otherwise had!

And this afternoon friends of ours plan to visit, and we will get to meet their son for the first time. And playdates are always exciting.

This evening One Philly Daddy and I are taking a cooking class at a local cooking studio/catering company, Studio M. We always enjoy doing something a little out of the ordinary together, especially if it means we might learn something (like cooking) that we can share again in the future as well. Tonight's class is Tex-Mex, which inevitably reminds us of our favoritest (yes, I know that's not a real word) vacations in Mexico. As I said a few trips ago "Mexico is good for my soul." So anything that reminds us of that ease and relaxation is a good thing!

The power of positive thinking

I've been thinking a lot about my thoughts and feelings and how they influence my impression of my world.
Its a fascinating experiment, I always wonder which person I really am. Am I the person I am when I focus on the positive and make an effort to be grateful? Or am I the person I am when I am cranky, tired, with the weight of the world on my shoulders?

I can feel like I have to do it all, not wanting to ask for help or inconvenience anyone around me. I can quite convincingly convince myself that I'm a terrible mother, awful wife, worse housekeeper, that I can't keep up like "everyone" else can. My house is dirtier, my romance is more tired, my clothes are uglier, I'm not as in shape, as good looking or as smart as I should be.

But here's a fascinating experiment. Try it.

When some of those "I'm so ugly, stupid, fat and dumb" thoughts enter your mind, be aware and then try to cut them short. And then - this is hard, hard, hard in the beginning (at least it was for me) - put something positive in its place. And I mean a REAL POSITIVE.

Not one of those lousy, "at least I'm not as bad as..." or "it could be worse" "positives". Cause those aren't really positives. Those are just another way for you to tell yourself how awful you are while trying to sound nice. Like a compliment that cleverly hides an insult, that kind of positve doesn't really support you at all.

Think for as long as it takes for you to find something that really makes you smile. In your soul.

Try to think of a time you felt really good. And not just smart "enough", or thin "enough", or liked "enough". I mean, really, really good. A time when you looked around and thought "Damn! I got this!" A time when your life felt like it was going in the right direction. A time when you felt on top of your game, a time when you felt like anything you wanted to do, you could. Think about how you imagined your life and how great and happy you would be. Feel how good you felt then.

You're still the same person, take that feeling with you.

The flip side of that is thinking about when life wasn't so good. When you were broke, sad, alone and feeling like nothing, nothing, nothing ever went your way. At that time, what did you want? What did you think would make it "all better?"

Do you remember a time when $1,000 was an unfathomable amount of money? Do you remember a time when you thought, if only you had a job, everything would be ok? Do you remember a time when you thought, if only I had someone to talk too, everything would be ok? Do you remember a time when you thought, if only I had my own place, everything would be ok?

There's a long list of "if only's" that can keep us from ever reaching happy.

When I play that particular game, I find myself realizing that I've more than met many of my goals, more than achieved my dreams. Not all of them, of course, I'm not suggesting I'm done at the ripe old age of 32. But I've accomplished much in my life.

I've crossed so much off my "list" - college education, decent job, good husband, healthy baby, savings account, new (to me) car, nice house, good friends. But the goal can feel like it keeps getting moved away.

Everytime I get close to the finish line, I move it back. I'll be happy when.... I'll consider myself "done" when.... I'll stop worrying when.... I'll be confident when.....

And spending more energy focusing on the positive starts to take away those "when I...." statements. I remind myself that laundry and dishes do not equal happiness. I remind myself that there is only now. If I am going to wait until everything is crossed off my "to-do" list, I am missing the point, aren't I?

I only get one life. And the life I got ain't bad.

(Sorry Mrs. Winter - best English teacher I ever had)

So I'm continuing to focus on the positives, remind myself of where I come from and how far I've come. Remind myself of the positives. Celebrate what I've finished.

There are loads and loads of books to lead the way down this path, a quick search on Amazon brings up titles like The Power of Positive Thinking, How to Stop Worrying and Start Living and even an MP3 download Creating Postive Thoughts and a DVD Thoughts Become Things. 

And of course, that's just the beginning, there's loads more if you are interested. I've read many books to learn how to be happy and start living. But I've learned, I just have to do it. I've read enough to know what I need to do. Think positive. Focus on the good. Celebrate what you've done. And now, its about practice. Like most things, no one gets to be really great at something without loads and loads of practice. Even those with a natural aptitude for something have to practice to become great.

So that's what I'm going to do. Practice and practice and practice.

And eventually, I'll be really good at it....

Deciding to covet kindness instead of cars

I work for a large non-profit, and as part of my job, I come in contact with some very wealthy individuals.

And sometimes, I try comparing our lives.

Which is silly, of course, because our lives are so different. My house is not as large as theirs. My car is not as expensive. My diamonds are not as (sometimes) obnoxiously large. I do not take classes at the local community college to fill my days. I do not have "my driver" take me 3 Philadelphia city blocks. I do not winter in the south or the west. My picture does not appear on the social scene page of the news paper.

It is tempting to conclude that my life is not as "good" or "successful" or "easy" as theirs because of all they have that I do not.

But I've realized that there are some superbly wealthy people who are unhappy and stressed out and miserable, just as there are some miserable "poor" people. But there are also kind, generous, compassionate
people in both the "rich" and the "poor" category as well.

I'm much more impressed by a person who possesses kindness, and genuine character, than a person who possesses diamonds and cars and houses.

So instead of counting cars and diamonds and homes, I'm going to admire people with character traits I'd like to emulate.

House drama, continued

So, last night we officially withdrew our offer on the house and today...

the (seller) ex-husband....

....suddenly....

.....decided to accept our offer.

We sort of expected this to happen, so we weren't terribly surprised. But we were disappointed and frustrated. If a week ago he'd accepted the offer, I'd be talking about our first showing right now.
Of course, his accepting the offer now only reinforced our sense that #1 we were being strung along #2 it IS a fair offer #3 we were stuck inside something much bigger than just the house #4 the rest of the process was not going to be easy.

So, we're sticking with our decision to walk away.

We know the house needs some work, and we were willing and even (surprisingly) looking forward to it. We were going to make this house our home. We were going to shape it and craft it into what we wanted, much more so than we have in our current house. (We happen to love the house we're in now the way it is. So we've painted one room. Otherwise, its pretty much unchanged since we bought it.) We could see our kids growing up there, having camp outs in the big back yard, eating dinners on the enclosed porch.

Unfortunately, the seller(s) completely alienated us by their indecisiveness and constant delays. We were always being asked for "just a few more days" and then being told the ex-husband wouldn't budge and then being asked (once again) for "just a few more days".

I suspected that their refusal to budge was a ploy to try to get us to move up our offer. And the ex-husband, at least, must've thought eventually we'd accept his offer. He might've even thought that we were "calling his bluff" when we withdrew our offer. And I'm betting he's stunned that we're not gobbling it up now that he's (oh, so graciously) accepted our offer.

But, (and I love, love, love that my husband and I are on the same page in this sense) it was never just about the money for us. We offered what we thought was fair. We were honest in what we were willing to pay and we were more than patient in waiting for their decision. We were not playing games, we were not trying to force their hand in anyway.

We just offered what we could do. And once we'd had enough, we'd had enough. Now, we'd pay even less for the house. Our time and our energy is worth something too, and they've used up the time and energy we were willing to spend on this house.

And we feel really good about our decision.

Withdrawing home offer

We decided today to withdraw our offer on the house.

The seller is still trying to convince her ex-husband to accept the offer, and he's not budging.
13 days after our original offer, 9 days after our final offer, we've had enough.

Enough things in life have worked out well for us to know when something's not working.
And this is not working.

I will miss the closet space, but closets aren't worth forcing something that's not right.

So we won't get the house.

I'll keep living in my shoe box house (and loving it).

We'll be able to go the shore. We'll join a swim club for the summer. We'll keep saving for our forever house. We'll make this house more and more our home.

And sometime in the future, someone will list our "perfect" forever house. And they'll accept our offer.

The reward of focusing on the positive

I can to be very hard on myself, focusing much more attention on the mistakes, missteps, and screw-ups than on the positives. (In fact, I sometimes don't even realize the positives.) In my head I can never get enough done, be nice enough to my husband, work hard enough, excercise enough, save enough, well you get the idea....

The hope being, of course, that if I just do everything right nothing bad will happen. (Yes, I am fully aware that this concept is nonsense.)

This is something I work on improving because, even though its my knee jerk reaction to life and myself, #1 I know its not true (no one is as bad as I tell myself I am sometimes), #2 it is certainly not productive or fun. Who wants to be or be around someone that down on themselves? #3 I know that is a barrier to my ultimate goal in life: a happy, healthy family #4 In an ironic twist, it keeps me from enjoying the happy, healthy family I already have.

So I'm making a renewed attempt to focus on the positive, to see what we've accomplished instead of what we've missed, to celebrate my victories (no matter how small) instead of only seeing my missteps.

This is of course, easier said than done, but I have to report, it works amazingly well. I don't know that anyone around me can tell, but today I tried really, really hard to celebrate what I did right instead of what I did wrong.

Here are some examples:
My husband was near my office in the city for work today and we met for an early lunch. We got sandwiches and sat in Rittenhouse Square. We talked, and held hands, and took a walk. Instead of focusing on and worrying about the work I had to get done or fretting that I shouldn't take a lunch, I enjoyed the surprise hour in the middle of the day I got to spend with my husband.

When I got home from work, my husband had dinner started and the baby fed. (Yes, there are days I would have a hard time seeing the good in this situation. Sad, isn't it?) Instead of feeling overwhelmed by the spices spilled on the stove, the pile of dishes in the sink or the lack of vegetables in the meal, I rejoiced that dinner was half done, smiled at my smiling son, and made some vegetables to add to dinner (which One Philly Daddy thought was a great idea).

After dinner I sat on the floor with my son and we played with his blocks (which he loves). There are times I would be focusing on the clock, thinking about all the work I had yet to do, seeing the dust on the floor, the dog hair under the couch, and letting myself feel overwhelmed. Yes, I might be on the floor playing with my son, but in my head it would be just another "to-do" on my never ending list of things that have to be done. Instead, I realized my son was banging two blocks together and clapping his hands, something that a month ago, he couldn't do.

I'm not saying I've got this "being positive" thing down, or that I won't feel overwhelmed again, but today, for a few hours, I had some peace in my mind. There is real reward in being positive, and I hope I find it again tomorrow!

Real Simple - This month's Life Lesson

I am reading the new Real Simple and this month's Life Lesson is "10 ways to be closer to your Siblings"

My favorite are:

#6. B Gr8 Txt Friends
Since my brother is 10 years younger than I am, much of his communication was limited to "fine", "ok", and "hmmm" over the years. I've discovered we can have entire, lengthy, in depth conversations typed out in text messages. And so long as we're talking and I know what's going on with him, who cares that it's over text?

#3 Stop being the Family mole
Essentially - stop talking about each other with each other. My siblings and I that have committed to being honest with each other and saying TO each other what we used to say to the rest of the family have fabulous, honest relationships. Enough said on that one!

#2 Make a Cameo Appearance
Instead of just showing up for the stuff you have to show up for, show up for somehing really important to someone - the random work event or small family function (not weddings and funerals).

Siblings are those who know you best, and understand without words what you are talking about. They are the ones who came from where you are from. Love 'em or hate 'em, no one knows you like a sibling.

How long will I wait for acceptance of offer on house?

And a Happy Friday to you!

So One Philly Daddy and I have big plans tonight. We're headed to a Blue October concert (Approaching Normal, Foiled, Consent to Treatment for cd's) at TLA on South Street.

Even cooler, I found out totally by accident one of my favorite people in the world will be there as well. So its bound to be a very fun grown up night out.

And tomorrow, we'll be back in the city for a friend's birthday party.

Yesterday I traveled for a work meeting and didn't get home until 9:30 last night, well after my bed time. The night before that, we sat around drinking wine and talking with good friends until midnight.

So, I don't want to sound ungrateful for my full and happy social calendar, but I hope nothing happens on Sunday.

I am having a great time, and love getting out in the weather. But there's laundry, dishes and, oh yeah sleeping to catch up on.

And we're still waiting for the official acceptance of the offer we put in on the house. Who knows what's really going on, but word is that the husband wants more money, so the wife has to convince him or negotiate with him in someway so that the offer is accepted.

Which means we're probably not getting our house listed before the $8,000 tax credit expires on April 30. We're not eligible, but we thought it might be a nice incentive for whoever might buy our house.

Even after our offer is accepted, we have to go through the process of negotiating any necessary repairs with the seller.

So this could be a lengthy process.

In the end, I am fully confident that it will all work out, as it usually does. It appears our closings won't be happening mid-May which is great because I have a few large events at work at that time. So now my debate is whether or not to join a swim club and when to go "down the Shore."

So long as nothing happens on Sunday, I might have time to make a decision...Have a great and safe weekend!

My little boy is growing up...

How fast a year goes in the life of a baby! And how quickly things do change!

Right now One Philly Daddy and I are sitting in bed watching One Philly Son fight off sleep with our baby monitor. One Philly Son is crying, shaking his head "no", and reaching out to pet his Fisher-Price Soothe & Glow Seahorse (which we love so much we have 2 of them...). The shaking his head "no" is new, the refusing to fall asleep because he's realizing that One Philly Mommy and One Philly Daddy are gone is new. So much is changing that he is, yet again, becoming a new boy.

I can't help but think about how much he has changed. He's got two teeth peaking out, he sits up on his own, gets frustrated if he can't reach what he wants and looks more and more like a little boy and less and less like a baby. He looks like his brain is starting to grasp the concept of crawling and its only a matter of time until his legs and arms catch up.

I remember when he couldn't hold up his head, reach out for his own pacifier. When he didn't eat cereal or fruit. When he couldn't look at me and recognize me.

Now, he's a whopping 7 months old, and is starting to be "over" nursing. He frequently refuses to nurse now, preferring a bottle so he can look around, stare at the dogs, watch Daddy.

I'm so excited for all the next stages. The first step. First word. First time at the beach. First birthday cake. I'll miss everything that he outgrows, but until he does, I'm gonna soak up every amazing little thing he does. Even when that's crying himself to sleep....

House Update

So we're still waiting for news on the house...unfortunately, the house is the "final step" in a divorce, which means our last, final, won't go any higher offer is now being debated by not only us, our realtor, the seller, her realtor, but also a pair of divorce lawyers.

I know from experience that divorce can be ugly, painful, and can make people do things they never imagined they could do. (To be fair, my experience was as a child during my parent's divorce, so I probably don't have a full understanding of either their relationship, nor the intricacies of their divorce.)

And the last thing I want to do is create more stress and pressure on a situation that might already be pretty stressed. (To be fair, there are those divorces out there that aren't painful and awful.)

I'm reading Dr. Phil's "Family First" and he makes the point, that if you do divorce, it should be done when you can make the decision without emotion, with the knowledge that you have done everything possible to save the marriage. That the decision should be made with a resigned sense of inevitability. I have some doubts  as to how possible that it, but it sounds like a noble goal. So maybe this house isn't a hot bed of chaos and contempt between two people who used to love each other.....

Have you noticed a tendency to think too much about things?

So I'm still in house limbo, and with every tiny swing one way or the other, I swing too. So when it appears there is "no chance" that we'll get the house, I feel myself settle into our cozy (that means "small" in real estate speak) house that I love. I can see my son growing here. I am relieved that we'll be able to keep saving as much as we have and make plans for weekend trips over the summer. And when there's a glimmer of possibility that we "might" get the house, I find myself arranging the furniture in my mind, picking out paint colors and hosting a big picnic in the yard.

I suppose this means I am willing to make the best of either conclusion, and would be happy either way. Which I honestly believe is true. I want only what is best for my family, and trust that that is what will happen. But I sure do waste a lot of energy trying to figure out what that is!

I can't imagine anything will develop this evening, so I'm going to settle into bed with my latest Parents (2-year) magazine and try to enjoy the life I've got, instead of missing it by focusing on what may or may not happen.

Stay tuned!

Thinking about selling your home and buying a new one?

So, we officially put in our offer last night, and are waiting to hear back.

Putting an offer in on a house is stressful stuff, and its hard to know if the stress is all worth it.

For instance, I learned last night that closing on both houses (the one you are selling/moving out of and the one you are buying/moving into) on the same day is super-duper common practice. Huh? Ok, so essentially you'd have to be approved for both mortgages at the same time, carrying both payments, in order to close even a week later.

So much for my well-thought out, take-a-week-to-move-and-paint idea.

Essentially this "closing on both houses on the same day" idea means that you hire movers (my friends are great movers but there's always beer and pizza invovled and "quick" is not always the name of the game) come to the house you are selling, and pack all of your belongings into their truck.

You go to closing, sign all the paperwork and officially, legally sell your "old" house.

Then you go to your second closing of the day and officially, legally buy your "new" house.

Then you drive to your new house, where hopefully the dudes in the truck have all your belongings and lug them all inside.

Which sounds like a nightmare. Oh wait, I have 2 dogs,  a cat, and a 7 month old. It IS a nightmare : )

Additionally, the idea of showing our current home to sell it is a little tricky now. Cause, you know, I work from home 3 days a week. With a baby, 2 dogs and a cat. Um, yeah, that sounds like fun!

So, there's a distinct possibility the next few months will be a little chaotic, but the up side is we'd end up with a forever house at a decent price, hopefully with a low interest rate...and there are still 30 days in this $8,000 tax credit for new home buyers, which hopefully would entice a buyer for our house.

We'll see what happens!