24 hours from now One Philly Daddy and I will be getting an ultrasound of One Philly Baby, expected in January 2012.
The closer we get the more nervous I get. Luckily, this is not a surprise. I can tend toward worrying and spend a lot of time pre-event anticipating various outcomes.
Don't get me wrong, I'm excited for the prospect of identifying the gender of our little one and seeing him/her for the last time before we meet in person, but I'm most looking forward to the "everything looks healthy" announcement. I know I have done nothing "wrong" but know I would probably feel responsible if anything were wrong.
The truth is, One Philly Daddy, myself and One Philly Son will love, adore and nuture this new baby no matter what, and he/she will be welcomed with joy and love regardless of the details. So I should probably move from the anxiety camp straight to the excited camp. Because, regardless of what we hear tomorrow, we'll know more than we do today and we'll be another step closer to getting to know and learn about the newest member of our family.
Names, colors, outfits, hopes, dreams and wishes will take on a more precise vision. Our new baby will become a more defined part of our family with every milestone, regardless of the details. The strength, love, and dedication we bring to this family is irrevelant to gender or possible problems.
So I'm going to stop fretting about the details and just look forward to learning more about New Philly Baby.
sky's the limit
"And you? When will you begin that long journey into yourself?" - Rumi
Monday, August 29, 2011
Thursday, August 11, 2011
Date night
One Philly Son is in a whining phase. I get it, he's frustrated. He knows it's possible to stack 8 blocks high and disintegrates when the tower falls at 6. He knows the doggie fits in that car, but when he can't get the doggie back out, full melt down. He knows the letter magnets stick to the fridge, but whimpers when he can't reach them all. I get it. He's struggling with how he wants to be compared to his current skill set. Isn't that something we all struggle with?
But, for all this understanding, I still don't have the overwhelming desire to be around the whining ALL the time! So tonight, I left Whiny Philly Son with One Philly Daddy and took myself to the movies. What I saw wasn't as important as 2 hours of not saying " it's ok; put that down; do you want a drink; be careful; it's ok honey, sometimes the blocks fall" on a repeating 12 hour loop.
I enjoyed the solitude, the quiet in my perfectly quaint town. I returned home at 9 pm, at least an hour past when we are normally out and about. I saw couples older than me, younger than me, groups of friends drinking and laughing on patios, people holding hands, eating ice cream, sharing dinner.
It occurred to me that I might feel sad because my life no longer has room for such luxuries or that I sat alone in the theater.
But what I felt was filled up, brimming and over flowing. That I have a healthy baby within me (see I wasn't really alone), that I have a darling son who is growing and learning and becoming more amazing each day, that I have a husband who joyfully sends me on my way when I need to take me on a date. I've got a great life of my choosing and I feel blessed.
And that's nothing to whine about.
But, for all this understanding, I still don't have the overwhelming desire to be around the whining ALL the time! So tonight, I left Whiny Philly Son with One Philly Daddy and took myself to the movies. What I saw wasn't as important as 2 hours of not saying " it's ok; put that down; do you want a drink; be careful; it's ok honey, sometimes the blocks fall" on a repeating 12 hour loop.
I enjoyed the solitude, the quiet in my perfectly quaint town. I returned home at 9 pm, at least an hour past when we are normally out and about. I saw couples older than me, younger than me, groups of friends drinking and laughing on patios, people holding hands, eating ice cream, sharing dinner.
It occurred to me that I might feel sad because my life no longer has room for such luxuries or that I sat alone in the theater.
But what I felt was filled up, brimming and over flowing. That I have a healthy baby within me (see I wasn't really alone), that I have a darling son who is growing and learning and becoming more amazing each day, that I have a husband who joyfully sends me on my way when I need to take me on a date. I've got a great life of my choosing and I feel blessed.
And that's nothing to whine about.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
We'll miss you Miss Barbara!
I've been taking One Philly Son to our local library for free story time since he was only a few weeks old, before I returned to work when he was 10 weeks old. The groups are split by age, which means he is nearing the time to leave his 0-23 month old group and move onto the 2 year old group.
We've grown to know and love our group, and will miss it. We know the finger plays, we love the songs (Itsy Bitsy Spider and I'm a Little Teapot are favorites) and One Philly Son now LOVES to turn on the smiling toy that leads us in "If you're happy and you know it" to end story time. Miss Barbara knows us and accepts One Philly Son running laps around the room while she reads. One Philly Son is so in tune with our story time that he "looks" for Miss Barbara in her office next to the story room when he's decided it's time to start.
I've attended two of the 2 year old story times to ease into the new group and practices. The teacher expects a little more in the way of sitting, which One Philly Son is not quite used too. But I can see glimmers of loving this. He's not ready for sitting through the longer books yet, but we played "ring-around-the-posey" today and his eyes lit up. Another big hit was our twirling song, where even the grown ups stand up and twirl, march, and hop. We haven't made it all the way through a new story time, but I'm sure we will.
Still, it's another reminder of all the ways One Philly Son is growing up and the circle of his life is growing and expanding to include more and more. I'm gonna miss Miss Barbara for lots if reasons.
We've grown to know and love our group, and will miss it. We know the finger plays, we love the songs (Itsy Bitsy Spider and I'm a Little Teapot are favorites) and One Philly Son now LOVES to turn on the smiling toy that leads us in "If you're happy and you know it" to end story time. Miss Barbara knows us and accepts One Philly Son running laps around the room while she reads. One Philly Son is so in tune with our story time that he "looks" for Miss Barbara in her office next to the story room when he's decided it's time to start.
I've attended two of the 2 year old story times to ease into the new group and practices. The teacher expects a little more in the way of sitting, which One Philly Son is not quite used too. But I can see glimmers of loving this. He's not ready for sitting through the longer books yet, but we played "ring-around-the-posey" today and his eyes lit up. Another big hit was our twirling song, where even the grown ups stand up and twirl, march, and hop. We haven't made it all the way through a new story time, but I'm sure we will.
Still, it's another reminder of all the ways One Philly Son is growing up and the circle of his life is growing and expanding to include more and more. I'm gonna miss Miss Barbara for lots if reasons.
Monday, August 8, 2011
I wish I may, I wish I might have this wish I wish tonight...
I'm reading Shania Twain's autobiography, a story that starts with her birth and covers her childhood, professional life and a few public heartbreaks along the way. All I can think is "oh no, not another one". Not another helpless child exposed to anger, violence and fear at the hands of her parents. Not another child growing up hungry, unsure, never knowing what the next day will bring.
She's very good at acknowledging the strains and stresses that explain the "how" and "why" her childhood was as it was, and she's far more understanding and forgiving than she needs to be, in my opinion. But that's very good for her.
Still, it's a little heartbreaking to know that fear and confusion are far too common a childhood experience. I'll give you that every child views his or her parents with a critical eye, with the realizations that they aren't perfect after all. But abuse and neglect are not mere human inadequacies.
If you were a child who felt fear and pain as a child, please hear these things I hope you already know: it was not your fault. No child deserves to fear those who should protect and love above all else. You did the best you could. You are loved. You are cherished. You are stronger than what happened to you. You can make it different. You. Are. Loved.
If you were what I'm really hoping is just a silent majority, who's books would be "boring" and your parents provided for you, loved you, protected you, taught you, I am relieved to hear such a childhood exists. It seems far too many are not peaceful and safe. (I'm not talking about squabbles over who sits where or whether or not baths have to happen...)
Let's all do ourselves a favor, please. No more scared kids. No more hungry kids. No more kids confused about things like personal safety, value and love.
If only my wishing it were enough to make it true.
She's very good at acknowledging the strains and stresses that explain the "how" and "why" her childhood was as it was, and she's far more understanding and forgiving than she needs to be, in my opinion. But that's very good for her.
Still, it's a little heartbreaking to know that fear and confusion are far too common a childhood experience. I'll give you that every child views his or her parents with a critical eye, with the realizations that they aren't perfect after all. But abuse and neglect are not mere human inadequacies.
If you were a child who felt fear and pain as a child, please hear these things I hope you already know: it was not your fault. No child deserves to fear those who should protect and love above all else. You did the best you could. You are loved. You are cherished. You are stronger than what happened to you. You can make it different. You. Are. Loved.
If you were what I'm really hoping is just a silent majority, who's books would be "boring" and your parents provided for you, loved you, protected you, taught you, I am relieved to hear such a childhood exists. It seems far too many are not peaceful and safe. (I'm not talking about squabbles over who sits where or whether or not baths have to happen...)
Let's all do ourselves a favor, please. No more scared kids. No more hungry kids. No more kids confused about things like personal safety, value and love.
If only my wishing it were enough to make it true.
Friday, August 5, 2011
Where does the time go? I can not believe it is already August. I can not believe One Philly Son will be TWO years old this month. How can that be?!?
I've been thinking January is ages and ages away. But someone recently put it all in perspective for me: it's August, which means we're practically at the Fall Holiday Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas (sorry, that's the one I celebrate, fill in your holiday of choice)-New Year's marathon. Those months are always crazy busy with holiday plans, parties, shopping, baking, cooking, decorating, etc.
And somewhere, tucked on between New Year's and Valentine's day we'll be welcoming a new member to the family.
Phew!
I'm glad my 2nd trimester motivation and energy are here, there's stuff to do!
And we can't wait! Keep cooking little baby, we're out here making room for you, moving One Philly Big Brother out of what will be your room and getting more and more excited! See you soon!
I've been thinking January is ages and ages away. But someone recently put it all in perspective for me: it's August, which means we're practically at the Fall Holiday Halloween-Thanksgiving-Christmas (sorry, that's the one I celebrate, fill in your holiday of choice)-New Year's marathon. Those months are always crazy busy with holiday plans, parties, shopping, baking, cooking, decorating, etc.
And somewhere, tucked on between New Year's and Valentine's day we'll be welcoming a new member to the family.
Phew!
I'm glad my 2nd trimester motivation and energy are here, there's stuff to do!
And we can't wait! Keep cooking little baby, we're out here making room for you, moving One Philly Big Brother out of what will be your room and getting more and more excited! See you soon!
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